Any regrets in your life? (Especially for the older people here).

I am 76 years old now. I have started having massive regrets about my major decisions and paths taken in my life. I now believe I would make entirely different decisions in my life if I were to do it all over again. I had some very difficult challenges in my life and I tried to do what would help me overcome problems as best I could. Now, with a lot more knowledge about my situation, I can see I needed a much more sophisticated and complex plan for overcoming the problems I was having. (For the grim and bizarre details, you can read my Featured story here). I know I did the best I could and by popular standards I didn't do that badly (I'm a retired teacher who mostly taught kids, then later adults, in locked facilities). I have few friends but they are long term good friends. Things could certainly be worse. However, I know now I would have built an entirely different life if I had it to do over again.

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MougyWolf · 36-40, M

I've done a lot of drugs in my life, most of them, I don't regret doing, but I do regret ever taking meth-amphetamine. That stuff chewed me up and spit me out so fast I didn't even realize how crazy it had made me, until I had landed myself in hospital for a suicide attempt.

I regret ever taking meth, very much.

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

does it still affect you today? If so tell us how (I never did any kind of drugs forgive my ignorance) @MougyWolf

MougyWolf · 36-40, M

@DoubleRings Yes, it has. I have been clean for a year now, so to that end, I am happy with myself for staying away from it, but yeah.. a year out, and I am having difficulty concentrating, memory issues, persistant confusion surrounding what I perceived while I was on it vs what I feel now, and I now am dependant on anti-depressant medications in order to keep my shit together emotionally, where I never needed them before.

In abstinence from it, I am learning that there is a difference between just quitting a drug, and recovering from what it did to you.

It feels like I actually damaged my brain to some degree with this one. I think I will continue to improve though. I am just recently starting to feel more like my old self again, so it's a good sign.

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

@MougyWolf how long were you on meth? I al respectfully asking to educate myself and not judging you.

MougyWolf · 36-40, M

@DoubleRings No, it's fine. Umm.. 2-3 years, off and on.. with each subsequent binge I went on, I would end up taking more and more of it, and became more and more crazy in my thinking and behavior.

At first, it doesn't make you crazy at all, it makes you energetic, extremely happy, very sharp focused, on top of your game, so to speak, but what always ends up happening is that it keeps you awake for days and days, you loose sleep, you stop eating.. not because you want to really, but your body no longer throws you the correct signals to take care of yourself, instead, to just use more and more of the drug to get the same good feelings, and not crash, so to speak.

It also makes you completely helpless to dopamine, meaning.. sex and porn can literally captivate you for days, other risky behaviours too.. it's like, your brain no longer recognizes danger or consequence, and acts ONLY in a way to serve itself pleasure and thrill.

For instance, I starting cutting and mutilating myself, for fun, and because for some reason, didn't think I could die from doing that, or I didn't care. Literally nothing mattered, only satisfying desire mattered.

A zombie drug, for lack of better word.

Domking · 61-69, M

@MougyWolf it's Great that you're in Recovery now.
[b]Congrats[/b]

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

@MougyWolf wow this is the best information I’ve read about it. I taught a kid who’s mom was on meth. Lends some understanding because the kid was not doing well and eventually I had to make a call and she was apprehended by child services. (I didn’t know about the meth till after that)