Does this sound okay for an apology?

@questionWeaver Isn't that what we are doing?

@Fenella You're not apologising for accusing her, you're apologising for the "discussion coming out wrong". If you can't speak to her face-to-face then phone her. Texting is cowardly and offhand.

@Fluffybull Because he wasn't accusing her. He just worded it wrong.

@Fenella Maybe your partner could phone her and apologise for being tactless and making her feel bad.

@Fluffybull He tried last week but she did not pick up the call

@Fenella

Obviously he does not have much practice apologizing, has missed communion and missed confession

It goes like this.

Hi Nancy,

Please accept my apology for the words I spoke, my tone, my accusations, insinuations and insensitve approach last Tuesday.

I was out of line

I ask your forgiveness

If you find my apology sincere, I would like to start fresh by acknowledging how much we value your work, spirit and effort.

I would like to mend the harm I caused.

I feel a phone conversation would be a good next step.

Looking forward to speaking with you.

With appreciation and apologies,

qW

@questionWeaver Fair but I still don't think our version was bad

@Fenella You asked people's advice on here yet you criticise that advice? I think I can see why your nanny might have a problem with you, quite apart from your partner's lack of judgement.

@Fenella If I was Nanny, I would never reply to the first version.

The first version clearly specified those words were as far as any apology was going

It was couched in in a non-conforming framework.

There are apologies in words and ones in substance.

The first was the traditional "apology in words".

True apologies follow the conventional Catholic framework (where forgiveness and grace was originally documented and clarified for 1800 years)

Anything else is not an apology

@questionWeaver sorry I do not agree. We were kind and a she meant a lot to us. That counts for something.

@questionWeaver 👏👏👏👏👏❤️

@Fenella All that means is in your head you have declared all is good.

In the world of social context you issued a weak duplicious attempt to persuade ... NOBODY would confuse those words with an actual apology.

The opinion here is 100% .. bad apology

So I ask, why did you even ask if you were already self-righteous

I can see clearly why a good Nanny would have turned and walked away from you all.

@Fenella I would save your time and search for another Nanny.

@questionWeaver Yep! Someone who isn't picking up probably won't be back at work next week.

@Fluffybull no surprise there

@questionWeaver We told her she was trusted and that she meant a lot to us all. Does that count for nothing?

@Fenella hollow words are still hollow

Go locate a priest to discuss the method of apologizing

It is well understood ... I am sure, at some point, somebody educated you on the way to ask for forgiveness and suggest a path forward

If not, then go to the source of forgiveness and get a lesson or too.

It is easy!

@Fenella apologies, grace and forgiveness were brought to the world's attention by Christ. The catholic churches, for over 1800 years have brought the message forward.

The message has worked into legal systems around the world

To apologize

(1) Acknowledge specificly what you did wrong

(2) Provide an assurance you will not do it again

(3) Agree to cure any damages

(4) ASK TO BE FORGIVEN

(5) Suggest a path forward



This is not complicated.

They go over this in Catholic Church service everytime communion is held.

This is how to apologize

Anything else is not an apology.

There is no clause 4, section 5.1.4 that says - Skip the above and tell the nanny she is valued.