I'm not seeking his aproval anymore

I admired one person for 1.5 years, he is 30 years older than me and was a mentor - type person for me. He talked a lot about my personality, but was very critical of me and I've never seem to do anything right in his eyes. But I put his opinion very high and wanted to prove myself to him all the time, cause it all made sense and I agreed with him that I needed to work on myself in those areas.

I finally understood he doesn't care about me 2 weeks ago. I know, this seems like a wishful thinking but it was a specific situation that worked as an "aha moment" for me.

I've had three major successes in the past months that I'm very proud of and that are 100% positive: I finished my PhD, I submitted my own research project in Canada and I passed my outdoor climbing exam. And I let him know, cause he used to tell me that I should do not give up my PhD, follow my own projects and not be so anxious all the time.

He replied with a critical email, a one page long analysis of my personality, not saying a word about any of those 3 things, just pointing out other negative traits about me... And that was my "aha moment". No matter if he was right in his critique before, he as a person is just incapable to see anything positive about me...

I've never realized how much I love climbing as I do now, since I just do it solely for me and not to prove anything to anyone.