Well, now...,.. here's something I never knew before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to share with my intelligent friends in the hopes that they too, will feel blessed in having gained more knowledge. History is way more fun when you know more fun facts about it, don’t you agree? Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew'), Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Over the decades Americans have since changed up the words , the 'pluck yew' is now "f**K you" and the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.' And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing.
Abuse and what fueled my career and life to this present day.
I could write a book on this topic:
I was raised by a German immigrant father to the US that was partly raised Hitler Youth in Germany prior to World War Two ending and abandoned when the Russians invaded his East German town. My father was 7 years old and left with his 5-year-old brother. The Russians beat and abused them until handed over to the West German Government and reunited with his father in West Germany at ages 14 and 12 from an East German orphanage. My grandfather survived the entire war as an officer in the German Army and surrender to the American Army at the end of the war and was evil and nasty. He beat my father and propagated hate into him until he ran away at age 16 with his younger brother once they found their mother. So, at age 20 he immigrated to the US bringing hate and prejudice and bloody beatings with terrible verbal abuse to his children (Me and my siblings). I stopped those beatings myself at age 16 via my own strength and skills gained from sports (American football and wrestling). We were partly raised inner city from 1970 to 1974 where I grew up with racial street gang fist fights every now and again someone was stabbed or beaten with a bat club or pipe, they were not shooting each other back then.
So, I turned the violence I knew deeply into sports and was a terror on the football field, and became a state high school wrestling champion, and in high school became a bully ass beater in the drop of a hat through the mentoring a couple friends not to be a thug. Turned down multiple college scholarships to enter the US Army for the next 11 years of my life from October 1984 to August 22, 1995. I was hired as a police officer for the city of Columbus, Ohio on 12-18-1994. A little national guard over lapse. I have done horrible things to people and seen the worst man can do. Tried to save and end lives including doing CPR on an 18-month-old and having it die in my hands, found children beaten to death and abused sexually. Taken life via just my hands and saved a few. I know the physical feeling of puncturing a human's body with a knife. Lost soldiers, police officers and friends. I know the smell and taste of human blood misted into the air over animal blood and can tell you the difference blind folded. As well as the Oder of dead humans over animals as well as burnt ones. And had 12 major surgeries for my injuries during the 27 years that I was in the Army and civilian police careers that forced me into retirement medically.
I have counselled extensively for PTSD and still do. I was married and divorced from a mentally abusive cheating wife that I never harmed or cheated on, and my kids came to be raised by me at their request, and they never experienced what I did as a child. Not hate or prejudice taught, or abuse given.
Once they left my home that is when I finally could develop my Willa side, I always have had but suppressed in fear of father friends and Army persecution. I remain 100% heterosexual to this day, but Willa helps me cope and see beauty. When as William I look into the mirror, I see all the abuse and death including my son's suicide at age 21 after he joined the US Army. Willa lets me see beauty and to escape the other stuff.
So, I turned it into a career and did not pass it to my children.
My cross dressing has always been a coping mechanism for me and nothing sexual at all. I was raised by a German immigrant father to the United States in 1957 when he was 20 years old. He was raised part Hitler youth, then Russians, and eventually East German post war with nothing but hate and abuse done and taught to him. When he started a family with my mother, we lived inner city initially and taught hate and prejudices with bloody beatings as discipline and extreme verbal abuse. Being inner city from 1970 to 1974 we had racial street gang fights with fist clubs' bats chains and occasionally someone was stabbed. It was rough and taught more hate. I am also dyslexic and was considered contagious to the "Normal students" and I was segregated out to short buses and jail cell type classrooms with Ridlon prescribed three times a day because the segregation isolation from my friends and peers this made me to act out in all that I knew "Violence". My parents moved us to the country in 1974 where I was taken off of Ridlon, tested psychologically and intellectually, decided to hold me back in the fourth grade again with tutors and special education classes. I was a little thug initially with a groan man's aggression level, because that is all I knew. I turned the aggression into American football player and wrestling becoming a state wrestling champion as I began to drop my fatherly taught prejudices. At age 16 I stopped my father physically myself because I was stronger meaner and tired of the bloody beatings though the verbal abuse never ceased. I when I was 12 years old and began to notice girls, I noticed even more what they wore and I wanted to wear what they were wearing. I had a sister and began staying home while the family went out just so I could dress in all of my sister's clothing (All of it). This helped me feel pretty and not violent and nasty or ugly. This continued until I was 19 and graduated high school with tons of college wrestling scholarships. I went into the US Army which made me live with all different ethnicities and this is where my prejudices disappeared for the most part. But I excelled at war fare and saw the worst of what humans can do learning the scent and taste of human blood misted into the air, the sensation of stabbing another, to know the odor of dead humans over dead animals, and the scent of burnt flesh. Watched soldiers die and saved a few too. Became very hard hearted and callas. I left the Army 11 years later to get married and joined a major US cities police department working all inner city for 13 years before going to its gang unit that I retired from. In all that time I saw rape victims,' murders occur in front of me, police killed citizens killed, done CPR on an 18-month-old that died in my hands, found children beaten to death by their parents, and took a human life with my bare hands in a fight with a very large man bigger than me that tried to choke me (The Army and wrestling kicked in, and well I am here). My wife cheated twice and was a verbally abusive and extremely manipulative woman and we divorced with two kids between us in May of 2007. So, a year later I began to cross dress again to feel normal and to not see all the ugly in the mirror looking back at me. 2010 is when I found a retired Dominatrix to teach me makeup, accessorizing, body hair removal, wig and breast form usage, and feminine presentation to complete my look. I went through all the purges and disgust only to re-invest in my word robe over and over again out of guilt verses desires to cross dress. I was medically retired in 2011 from an in the line of duty accident that nearly paralyzed me from the waist down and took over raising my kids stalling my dressing. 2016 my son went into the Army and 2018 my daughter went to college moving away from home, so I started dressing again and actually going out dressed in 2018. In October of 2019 I lost my son in the Army to suicide at age 21. That threw me over the edge for the next three years. If it were not for my cross dressing I would have committed suicide as well. on 1-6-2022 I began to counsel for PTSD at my VA hospital and came to realize I dressed to cope. That it is the one thing that allows me to forget all the terrible in life with the dress wig breast forms makeup heels and the accessories to become a sexy woman replacing all my anger aggression and ugliness I see in my male self. My Psychologist at the VA said my dressing is a perfectly healthy coping skill, and it has allowed me to remove all hate from my life. All hate and prejudices!
Sincerely,
Willa
This is my journey and why my dressing has nothing to do with sexual identity, just coping and loving my coping skills to survive daily.
This is a trail to see how this white board thing works on here. So far, I only opened up two cooking recipes to see what kind of response I get on my white board.
WillaKissing I took a simple meal and tweaked it from my mother.
Pork chop casserole is what she called it, and now so do I. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. I use bone in pork chops for better flavor.
1. I take a glass baking pan (Anchor Hocking glass pan 8 inches by 8 inches if eating alone or 14 inches by 10 inches if I have guests), and place a layer of pork chops in first, and season the pork chops with garlic and other seasonings I like.
2. Then in the 8"x8" pan I spread one can of 10.5 oz. of condensed cream of mushroom soup evenly on top of the pork chops. the 14'x10" would take a 26 oz. can of condensed cream of mushroom soup. If you do not like mushrooms, then use cream of celery soup.
3. Then Optional I spread sliced mushrooms on top, then one 12 oz. bag of frozen of Broccoli a Cauliflower bits on the 8"x8" pan and two bags on the 14"x10" pan.
4. Then I take a bag of tater tots and make a single layer cover over the entire surface and place in the preheated oven (350 Degrees) for one hour and thirty minutes to get the tater tots golden brown and crispy.
5. Take out of the oven and cover the tater tots with a layer of shredded Colby Jack cheese and pop back into the oven just enough to melt the cheese to your liking five minutes to 8 minutes for me.
6. take out of the oven and serve. I like to spread sour creme on top of my serving and I add it just before eating because sour creme is not to everyone's liking (Your choice really either in the cooking phase or post cooking is to my liking) salt and pepper and eat.
Here is my recipe. It's my own creation. It's good. It's easy, and all just store bought stuff. 4 cans of diced tomatoes. 14.5 oz. 1 can of diced green chiles 7 oz. 1 can of tomato paste 6 oz. 1 can of dark kidney beans. 1 can of light kidney beans. 1 box of Carroll Shelby's Chilli Kit. 1 can of Tomato juice 64 oz, 1 dash of Oregano 1 small dash of ground Black peppercorn. 1 small dash of minced garlic. 1 1/2 lbs of beef roast. 1 lb of ground sausage.
Dice the beef roast into 1/2 inch cubes. (Deer is even better). Then cook in skillet and drain grease, Put them in an 8 qt. Crockpot. Brown 1 lb of sausage in skillet, dice into larger chunks, drain the grease. Put it in the 8 qt. crockpot. Drain the juice from both cans of light and dark kidney beans and put them in the crock pot. Put drained can of 7 oz. green chilis in crockpot. Pour the entire contents of 4 cans of diced tomatoes. (Do not drain). Open all of the internal packages of the Carroll Shelby Chili kit, and pour them into the crockpot.(ignore the directions). Pour in the 64 Oz can of tomato juice. Add the dash of Oregano (apprx 1/2 tsp). Add the dash of Black Pepper( apprx 1/2 tsp). Add the dash of minced garlic (apprx 1/2 tsp). Have crockpot on high temp setting and stir occasionally till almost boiling. Then turn to low and eat. I like to actually drain the grease so dry that I will actually stir around some paper towels to absorb excess grease and I will actually put about 10 or so unground peppercorn seeds into the chili. It will make your taste buds go bazzerk. This chili is like the majority of my friends. Thick and chunky. (Notice my wooden spatula). It stands at a 45° angle.
