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Knucklez

31-35, M

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Things you do in secret are things you shouldn’t be doing

How true is this statement?

I want to give up now

But I can’t yet. Not yet

It’s a little discouraging

To hear you say “why are you making me food? We aren’t together” and it stings a bit too

My arm has started hurting now.

I decided to change the bandage because of it. Lots of brown and yellow goop on it. Kinda like pus. Maybe it was. I don’t know. But it hasn’t done any healing and it’s already been 3 days

I have to get myself together

I have to. I have to

Again? I don’t want to

I think I’m going puke again.

How can I keep heaving? There nothing in my stomach. Why do I keep running to the restroom to puke. There isn’t anything coming out and it hurts so bad

In the end...everything dies.

Intelligence is a dying breed...but maybe...not today? Perhaps if I wasn’t one of the variables the outcome would have been different. This was a failure. Accept the process. Wish the end would come sooner. Learned my place

Oh no. I just want to cry for help

I woke up this morning and immediately started crying. I cried for a while until I started vomiting. I haven’t eaten since early yesterday and if it was up to me I wouldn’t have eaten at all. The heaves were painful, the bile tasted nasty. My hearts... See More »

You would think after all that aspirin my chest would stop hurting, not hurt worse. Or make my limbs tingle...and cold?

IT will be easy

Like a slip and slide. Just going on down down down. down down. All the way. It will be easy

Just take the aspirin. Just do it. Take it. SHUT UP! Take it. just SHUT UP! SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP!! It will be easy. Just

i keep thinking of how easy it would be to kill myself right now. When I think about actually going through with it I feel at ease. Like “yeah, see? Just do that and everything will be fine. You won’t have to worry about anything anymore” and the... See More »

Codine is a painkiller

Yessir. It sure is. I feel just fine now. Not really. Well, actually yes, but also, no

Oh no not again

I started crying again.

Damn this anxiety.

Just stop. I want everything to stop. I want lay down and close my eyes and that’s it. No more anything

Old habits die hard

I’ve started craving old stuff I’ve thought I’ve left behind. I want OxyContin. I want Xanax. I want Codine. And I want a bottle fireball to wash it all down with.

Ever play apex legends?

There a playable character in the game and his codename is Caustic. And for good reason. His attitude truly is. He also uses corrosive gas as a weapon. A scientist who has an obsession with death. He’s patient. Methodical. Intentional. He’s always... See More »

I really hope I can get some Xanax today

I actually slept last night

My one complaint is that I’m awake now. I want to sleep forever

Oh yes the drugs

The drugs are kicking in now. I’m feeling a little less of...well...I think I want to play a game...

Before and after

Before I met you, all I did was jeopardise my life. My life was a ball of trash headed into the can before you. I drank till I blacked out. I popped till I passed out. I smoked till I coughed up blood. I was even an amateur mercenary. I have... See More »

Why am I getting upset?

Either I end up with her and I get what I want. Or I don’t and I die. It’s a win win situation!! Haha! I just need to kick back and wait. Yes or no. Live or die. I guess either makes no difference to me. Hahaha

What’s the problem?

i said I was willing to change. I said I was willing to be what you need to be happy. You can’t tell me it’s not anyway to live my life when it’s MY LIFE to live or destroy anyway I see fit! I’m willing to show you I can be what you want. I just... See More »

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