Do you say "Gordon Walters" instead of "Gordon Bennett" because you haven't the foggiest idea who Gordon Bennett is?
Do you torture people by tying them up and forcing them to listen to Barry Manilow through headphones?
Do your neighbours make a noise that sounds like two elephants on a motorbike riding round and round while a seal bangs a kipper on the table?
Do you ever read the wrong side of a piece of paper (i.e. the blank side) and think the words have fallen off?
Do you keep a string of alarm clocks in your pocket and pull them out and say "Are we ready, clocks?" when you are about to do something?
When you drink the water out of a goldfish bowl, do you belch loudly after you've swallowed the goldfish?
Did you know the Rolling Stones recorded a live album while two hippopotamus were making love underneath the theatre?
When someone asks "Goodness, is that the time?" do you reply "No, that's a wristwatch, time is an abstract concept"?I say that every time.
Whenever you wear Dr. Marten's boots, do you always dance in the street to the Human League song "Don't You Want Me"?
Is Alexei Yuri Gagarin Siege of Stalingrad Glorious Five-Year Plan Sputnik Pravda Moscow Dynamo Back Four Balowski his real name?I could have sworn it had Tractor somewhere in it as well.
Do you hate the expression "As alike as two peas"?I think it's just the sort of vegetablist comment I'd expect from an oppressive dictator.
Have you ever walked down the passage of time and found Buddy Holly's guitar in one of the rooms leading off?
Is the word "Herbert" really a euphemism for "pervert"?I never used to think it was, but I have discovered a site which suggests it is.
Has anybody ever hit a golf ball through your window and it's landed in the toilet while you were sitting on it?