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My family won't take responsibility for anything...

Not allowed to express myself, constant blaming, manipulating, gaslighting, one upping, and put downs...everyday is hell for me. I don't have anyone to talk to, and I always wake up with suicidal thoughts...it's debilitating, but I don't really have the guts to do it.

My narcissistic family won't take responsibility for anything, especially the things that could turn you into a much stronger person. They've cut corners...manipulating people to do things for them, and that's how they've always overcame their hardships in life. They're fine throwing away a relationship just to prove they're right, and they've proved that again, and again by making me the scapegoat/black sheep of the family. I understand they have their own problems, and it's easy for them to ask me a favor, but when I ask a favor, everyone just points fingers, and expects me to do things for them.

I'm tired of being the responsible and sensible one in the family. I believe in teamwork in a family system but no one in my family believes that...they would throw you under the bus to save themselves, it's all about what benefits them.

I get migraine, tremors, and heart palpitations when under stress...I'm so tired and I just can't deal with all this crap anymore. My family slowly pushes me to make suicide a liable option but like I said, I just can't do it. I just feel like I'm dying everyday...
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riseofthemachine · 41-45, M
Be strong. Writing helps me cause theres some people and they go out deliberately to crush your self esteem . All of people that do that it's there own shit in there head that needs to be dealt , not yours ,
I went through it for 10 years, all what you described, not with family , but with others .
I ended up in pysche ward a couple of times over it cause I couldn't understand, still today I dont understand that much but dark minds cant see the light and the light cant understand dark people and what even learned more about is even your circle gets smaller and you get stronger . The things that bothered me for 10 years dont bother me no more . I'm not effected to the extreme that much cause I began to fear the pain less cause I knew I had nothing to loose . When I explained what was happening to me by professionals they said I was mad but I wasnt so I gave up trying to explain myself . A waist of time and gradually I felt a lot better in myself , but to stop those racing thoughts and suicidal thoughts is writing , THATS A MUST DO and you'll see that your mind wont be as dark as it is now cause you have a lot of resentments building up and hurt feelings and in time you wont even care what they do to you and that's a promise I swear on that .
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