My family won't take responsibility for anything...

Not allowed to express myself, constant blaming, manipulating, gaslighting, one upping, and put downs...everyday is hell for me. I don't have anyone to talk to, and I always wake up with suicidal thoughts...it's debilitating, but I don't really have the guts to do it.

My narcissistic family won't take responsibility for anything, especially the things that could turn you into a much stronger person. They've cut corners...manipulating people to do things for them, and that's how they've always overcame their hardships in life. They're fine throwing away a relationship just to prove they're right, and they've proved that again, and again by making me the scapegoat/black sheep of the family. I understand they have their own problems, and it's easy for them to ask me a favor, but when I ask a favor, everyone just points fingers, and expects me to do things for them.

I'm tired of being the responsible and sensible one in the family. I believe in teamwork in a family system but no one in my family believes that...they would throw you under the bus to save themselves, it's all about what benefits them.

I get migraine, tremors, and heart palpitations when under stress...I'm so tired and I just can't deal with all this crap anymore. My family slowly pushes me to make suicide a liable option but like I said, I just can't do it. I just feel like I'm dying everyday...