I Hate My Family
Often times, I get asked why I consider myself to be broken. I don't think only one event did the damage. I think it was more a series of unfortunate events that made me the person I am.
My parents divorced when I was 10. It was an ugly and lengthy process. My mother did everything to ruin my relationship with my father. My dad was my hero and my mother hated it. I didn't have the same connection with her as I did with my father. She talked bad about him constantly.
After the divorce was settled, my mother got custody of me. I got to see my father every other weekend. It was the only part of my childhood that wasn't awful. Shortly after my 11th birthday, my mother married a man named Domas. It's a stupid name for an even stupider man. For some unknown reason, Domas had it out for me. He was the most narcissistic and abusive person I've ever come into contact with. He ruined my childhood completely and tore me apart for years. My stepbrother, Anthony, also played a part in the demise of my self-esteem.
Domas had a short temper. He would scream over little things. He would have these episodes where he would pace around the room just ranting and talking to himself. Anthony followed in his footsteps and developed narcissistic personality disorder. Domas was never diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder but I believe he has it as well.
Anthony tormented me growing up. It was constant bullying; physical and verbal. He beat me up several times in middle school and high school. I remember one instance where he broke my wrist before an orchestra concert. I was 13.
I learned to live with Domas and Anthony, though. I ignored them the best I could and found ways to deescalate situations. During this time, I had built up so much hate and resentment toward my mother. She was the reason my life was hell. She chose her abusive husband and stepson over me. That’s something I still haven’t entirely gotten over.
I’ve suffered with mental illness for several years. Anxiety and depression have always been huge issues for me. I also took to self-harm as a way to cope. By the time I was 15, I had developed anorexia nervosa. I believe all the bullying and abuse to be the cause of most of my issues.
I attempted suicide at 15 and was placed in a mental institution for two weeks. After I got out, things were good for a week before my life turned to shit again. About 6 months later, I had to do an inpatient program for my eating disorder.
That same year, my biological father was in a bad car accident. He was paralyzed from the waist down and in a coma for 3 weeks. I genuinely thought he was going to die. I had the mentality that I couldn’t live if I lost my dad. I believed he was the only person that would ever love me. I attempted suicide once again.
After my second suicide attempt, I was in a psych ward for a longer period of time. I think it was two months, but I can’t really remember. By the time I got out, my father was recovering and so was I.
Then, I lost it at 17. I had gotten into a fight with Domas over something I can't remember. I completely went off on him. I screamed from the top of my lungs at him. I had never felt that angry. I literally wanted to kill him. It was years of anger and pain just pouring out of me. I got everything off of my chest that night. I told him how he ruined my life and how I hated him. I remember Domas slapping me in the face so hard. He started screaming at me and I felt the anger drain out of me. I had an anxiety attack that night.
I left home the next morning and I haven't spoken to Domas since. It's been 3 years now. I’ve seen my mother twice since I left but both times we ended up fighting.
My father and I moved to Colorado together and I’m now going to college here. I have a good job and a great relationship. I’m finally content with my life. I still have many, many emotional scars but I’m working to fix them.
My grandmother passed away recently and I’m going back to Texas for her funeral. I’m going to be seeing my mother, Domas, and Anthony. My mother has even invited me out to dinner with her and everyone. She wants to meet my boyfriend. I’m not sure how comfortable I am with it but I haven’t declined or accepted the offer.
My parents divorced when I was 10. It was an ugly and lengthy process. My mother did everything to ruin my relationship with my father. My dad was my hero and my mother hated it. I didn't have the same connection with her as I did with my father. She talked bad about him constantly.
After the divorce was settled, my mother got custody of me. I got to see my father every other weekend. It was the only part of my childhood that wasn't awful. Shortly after my 11th birthday, my mother married a man named Domas. It's a stupid name for an even stupider man. For some unknown reason, Domas had it out for me. He was the most narcissistic and abusive person I've ever come into contact with. He ruined my childhood completely and tore me apart for years. My stepbrother, Anthony, also played a part in the demise of my self-esteem.
Domas had a short temper. He would scream over little things. He would have these episodes where he would pace around the room just ranting and talking to himself. Anthony followed in his footsteps and developed narcissistic personality disorder. Domas was never diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder but I believe he has it as well.
Anthony tormented me growing up. It was constant bullying; physical and verbal. He beat me up several times in middle school and high school. I remember one instance where he broke my wrist before an orchestra concert. I was 13.
I learned to live with Domas and Anthony, though. I ignored them the best I could and found ways to deescalate situations. During this time, I had built up so much hate and resentment toward my mother. She was the reason my life was hell. She chose her abusive husband and stepson over me. That’s something I still haven’t entirely gotten over.
I’ve suffered with mental illness for several years. Anxiety and depression have always been huge issues for me. I also took to self-harm as a way to cope. By the time I was 15, I had developed anorexia nervosa. I believe all the bullying and abuse to be the cause of most of my issues.
I attempted suicide at 15 and was placed in a mental institution for two weeks. After I got out, things were good for a week before my life turned to shit again. About 6 months later, I had to do an inpatient program for my eating disorder.
That same year, my biological father was in a bad car accident. He was paralyzed from the waist down and in a coma for 3 weeks. I genuinely thought he was going to die. I had the mentality that I couldn’t live if I lost my dad. I believed he was the only person that would ever love me. I attempted suicide once again.
After my second suicide attempt, I was in a psych ward for a longer period of time. I think it was two months, but I can’t really remember. By the time I got out, my father was recovering and so was I.
Then, I lost it at 17. I had gotten into a fight with Domas over something I can't remember. I completely went off on him. I screamed from the top of my lungs at him. I had never felt that angry. I literally wanted to kill him. It was years of anger and pain just pouring out of me. I got everything off of my chest that night. I told him how he ruined my life and how I hated him. I remember Domas slapping me in the face so hard. He started screaming at me and I felt the anger drain out of me. I had an anxiety attack that night.
I left home the next morning and I haven't spoken to Domas since. It's been 3 years now. I’ve seen my mother twice since I left but both times we ended up fighting.
My father and I moved to Colorado together and I’m now going to college here. I have a good job and a great relationship. I’m finally content with my life. I still have many, many emotional scars but I’m working to fix them.
My grandmother passed away recently and I’m going back to Texas for her funeral. I’m going to be seeing my mother, Domas, and Anthony. My mother has even invited me out to dinner with her and everyone. She wants to meet my boyfriend. I’m not sure how comfortable I am with it but I haven’t declined or accepted the offer.
22-25, F
