I Hate My Family
I would never act on it, or actually do anything, but I often have thoughts about severely harming my family, and often wish that they would all die. It has gotten to the point, where I do not think twice about thinking, "I hope my dad dies in a car crash, or has a heart attack." I am not like any of my other family, and I love it like that. I would never want to be anything remotely like the wretched creatures that claim to be my family. They never miss a chance to ostracize me. They do not say things directly that are blatant and on the surface, but the things that they do make it obvious that they do not like who I am. My brother has taken it upon himself, since he is older, to try and be my father figure because my actually mentally retarded father is incapable of the simplest tasks, much less parenting. Given this, my brother tries to fix anything that he doesn't like about me. For example, my family visited him last summer, and when we were just walking down the street, nothing happening, my brother got mad at me. Legit angry because, get this, I wasn't smiling. He literally asked me why I wasn't smiling and why I always looked depressed when we were just walking down the street. Are you kidding me? It's called a resting face, moron. He asked the same thing when we were eating dinner and no one was saying anything. I find this ridiculously ironic, considering that he is the most selfish person I have ever met. He destroyed his car because he neglected to get his oil changed. He then, expected my family to buy him a new car because of this. Once he got a new car, he then claimed that he wanted his old one back, and told my dad to put a new engine in it. We were then summoned to drive it across two states to deliver it to him, the trip which I was forced to go on. Then, get this, he sold it not even a year after. Like seriously? I hate my brother, and am thankful everyday that he lives two states away and I don't have to see his stupid face. I intentionally ignore his calls and do not text him back, but he does not get the hint. He keeps trying like an idiot.
As for my sister, she verbally abused me just because she was the middle child, and she thought that things that happened weren't fair for her. Like, how is it my fault you don't like which position you were born in? She continuously criticized my eating habits as being unhealthy because she is a nutritionist, but would become actual satan whenever someone pointed out her eating habits because she thought people were bullying her for being a paleo-, vegan whatever. She is also like certifiably bi-polar. Just if I disagree with her on something as trivial as politics, which I hate talking about in the first place, she gets angry and vituperative.
My father is the worst by far. I hate to be the cliche person with the abusive father, but I have to tell the truth. My father is literally the dumbest person you will ever meet. Hands down, I don't want to hear any arguments. I would not be surprised if my father's IQ test scored in the negatives. My father thinks he knows everything, but he knows actually nothing. He thinks he knows about politics and listens to literal propaganda about Donald Trump every morning. This is the kicker: my father is a full Mexican, full not mixed 100% Mexican, but he never misses a chance to talk about how he can't wait for Donald Trump to deport the Mexicans. I couldn't make this up if I tried. He makes things up, and then makes it seem as if you are crazy. For example, I recently changed my diet because I didn't want to keep eating garbage. One night, he came in my room and asked if I wanted a burger. I said no thank you because I was trying to change my eating habits, and didn't want carcinogenic meat, or something that was not free-range and grass-fed. In his puny mind, somehow that meant that I did not eat burgers anymore. So, about two weeks later, he just didn't tell me that he was making food. No one in my family told me about dinner because my father just assumed that I wouldn't eat it. He then got angry because of something that he just conjured up in his mind because he thought it actually happened. He has repeatedly verbally abused me. I have diagnosed anxiety and OCD, once again, sorry to be the cliche. My father just thinks that my anxiety is made up and fake, that I am just being a wimp. He has also told me that I belong in a mental institution, and that he doesn't care about me.
My mother lets this all happened because she "made a promise to God". Like omg, I literally hope she kills herself. How is that my problem? Just because you chose to put up with that crap means that I have to as well? She just happened to not think about the repercussions of staying with an abusive father. He abuses her as well, but she just puts up with it, and proves no solace when I try and tell her about it. She just tells me to stand up to him or whatever. Literally if I do that, he will start physically abusing me. My mother also just dismisses my OCD. She thinks I am overreacting, and does stuff so absent-mindedly that trigger my OCD. If I forgot to mention, she is a retard as well. She forgets everything, but of course especially the stuff that sets off my OCD. For example, I have a phobia of church because of bad experiences with churches in the past because the one we used to go to was extremely dirty. So now, I do not want to be close to my mother at all on Sundays. I don't interact with her, or touch her, or even get near her. But of course, Sunday is the day she chooses to buy the food that I eat, and wants to have "family dinner" on Sunday, and wants to fill out applications and write down lists and crap on Sundays. Like you can't do that on Saturday when you are literally doing NOTHING. I hope she dies in some horrible way. She also thinks that because I don't want to get in her car on Sunday, which she literally is in when she goes to church, I don't want to get in anyone's car, even though I have told her repeatedly that it is just her and Sunday. But she doesn't care enough to remember.
Despite all these things, my family wants to maintain a facade of the "perfect Christian family". My mother wants to come visit me when I move away, and my family wants to stay in contact with me after I move away. But to that I say HELL NO. As soon as I get the chance, and I am not kidding when I say this, I am changing my name and leaving the country, for more reasons than just this, so that they can't find me, and I never have to see any of them again. I hope they all die in a horrible accident or perform a group suicide. I don't care what anyone says. I hate them, I will always hate them, and I want them to die.
As for my sister, she verbally abused me just because she was the middle child, and she thought that things that happened weren't fair for her. Like, how is it my fault you don't like which position you were born in? She continuously criticized my eating habits as being unhealthy because she is a nutritionist, but would become actual satan whenever someone pointed out her eating habits because she thought people were bullying her for being a paleo-, vegan whatever. She is also like certifiably bi-polar. Just if I disagree with her on something as trivial as politics, which I hate talking about in the first place, she gets angry and vituperative.
My father is the worst by far. I hate to be the cliche person with the abusive father, but I have to tell the truth. My father is literally the dumbest person you will ever meet. Hands down, I don't want to hear any arguments. I would not be surprised if my father's IQ test scored in the negatives. My father thinks he knows everything, but he knows actually nothing. He thinks he knows about politics and listens to literal propaganda about Donald Trump every morning. This is the kicker: my father is a full Mexican, full not mixed 100% Mexican, but he never misses a chance to talk about how he can't wait for Donald Trump to deport the Mexicans. I couldn't make this up if I tried. He makes things up, and then makes it seem as if you are crazy. For example, I recently changed my diet because I didn't want to keep eating garbage. One night, he came in my room and asked if I wanted a burger. I said no thank you because I was trying to change my eating habits, and didn't want carcinogenic meat, or something that was not free-range and grass-fed. In his puny mind, somehow that meant that I did not eat burgers anymore. So, about two weeks later, he just didn't tell me that he was making food. No one in my family told me about dinner because my father just assumed that I wouldn't eat it. He then got angry because of something that he just conjured up in his mind because he thought it actually happened. He has repeatedly verbally abused me. I have diagnosed anxiety and OCD, once again, sorry to be the cliche. My father just thinks that my anxiety is made up and fake, that I am just being a wimp. He has also told me that I belong in a mental institution, and that he doesn't care about me.
My mother lets this all happened because she "made a promise to God". Like omg, I literally hope she kills herself. How is that my problem? Just because you chose to put up with that crap means that I have to as well? She just happened to not think about the repercussions of staying with an abusive father. He abuses her as well, but she just puts up with it, and proves no solace when I try and tell her about it. She just tells me to stand up to him or whatever. Literally if I do that, he will start physically abusing me. My mother also just dismisses my OCD. She thinks I am overreacting, and does stuff so absent-mindedly that trigger my OCD. If I forgot to mention, she is a retard as well. She forgets everything, but of course especially the stuff that sets off my OCD. For example, I have a phobia of church because of bad experiences with churches in the past because the one we used to go to was extremely dirty. So now, I do not want to be close to my mother at all on Sundays. I don't interact with her, or touch her, or even get near her. But of course, Sunday is the day she chooses to buy the food that I eat, and wants to have "family dinner" on Sunday, and wants to fill out applications and write down lists and crap on Sundays. Like you can't do that on Saturday when you are literally doing NOTHING. I hope she dies in some horrible way. She also thinks that because I don't want to get in her car on Sunday, which she literally is in when she goes to church, I don't want to get in anyone's car, even though I have told her repeatedly that it is just her and Sunday. But she doesn't care enough to remember.
Despite all these things, my family wants to maintain a facade of the "perfect Christian family". My mother wants to come visit me when I move away, and my family wants to stay in contact with me after I move away. But to that I say HELL NO. As soon as I get the chance, and I am not kidding when I say this, I am changing my name and leaving the country, for more reasons than just this, so that they can't find me, and I never have to see any of them again. I hope they all die in a horrible accident or perform a group suicide. I don't care what anyone says. I hate them, I will always hate them, and I want them to die.
22-25, M
