I Feel Life Is Just Passing Me By
I Don'T Know What To Do.... Why does life have to suck so much sometimes? I wish I cold just go back in time and relive my years as a child. Things were so much easier, now life is complicated and I just keep getting older and things don't slow down they move faster. Life is way too short and I have nothing to show for it.
Why did I ever move away? I moved cause I thought I needed to get away from my family and the cold weather but I have spent the last year waiting to visit family friends again and now I'm here I don't wanna leave. I am just laying here in my old room with my bag half packed. I don't know why I posted a status saying how much pain I feel. I don't like seeking attention I just need some love right now. I feel like absolute crap and my heart is in so much pain. Why do I have to be unemployed and living in a state where I know no one?
Sure it's warm, and I hate the cold more then anything but just being back in the cold for the first time actually in some strange way feels good. I am shacking and freezing but yet part of me likes it. I haven't liked it since I was a kid,
I can't leave but I must, why is it so hard? I have been crying off and on since I came back from church today. i can tell im stressed beyond belief cause I never cry. I haven't cried in a long time. I am just sitting here not moving, not packing just thinking about how much I am dreading what lies ahead. Things are only going to get worse, I don't know why I am writing this I guess I just can't bring my self to respond to anyone who asks me what is wrong right now. I need to get these feelings out.
This may be one of the few times I am online until later in the week. I don't know what is going to happen next. I am not in control of my life anymore. I don't know if I will ever be happy again. Right now I can only take one step at I time as I feel the pain in my heart and just wonder what life really could be like if only things were different. Will things ever be better? I don't feel like it, at least not right now. Who knows, I sure as hell don't.
Why did I ever move away? I moved cause I thought I needed to get away from my family and the cold weather but I have spent the last year waiting to visit family friends again and now I'm here I don't wanna leave. I am just laying here in my old room with my bag half packed. I don't know why I posted a status saying how much pain I feel. I don't like seeking attention I just need some love right now. I feel like absolute crap and my heart is in so much pain. Why do I have to be unemployed and living in a state where I know no one?
Sure it's warm, and I hate the cold more then anything but just being back in the cold for the first time actually in some strange way feels good. I am shacking and freezing but yet part of me likes it. I haven't liked it since I was a kid,
I can't leave but I must, why is it so hard? I have been crying off and on since I came back from church today. i can tell im stressed beyond belief cause I never cry. I haven't cried in a long time. I am just sitting here not moving, not packing just thinking about how much I am dreading what lies ahead. Things are only going to get worse, I don't know why I am writing this I guess I just can't bring my self to respond to anyone who asks me what is wrong right now. I need to get these feelings out.
This may be one of the few times I am online until later in the week. I don't know what is going to happen next. I am not in control of my life anymore. I don't know if I will ever be happy again. Right now I can only take one step at I time as I feel the pain in my heart and just wonder what life really could be like if only things were different. Will things ever be better? I don't feel like it, at least not right now. Who knows, I sure as hell don't.
41-45, M
