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I Hate My Ex Husband

My ex husband will have nothing to do with his three younger children who live with me. I've tried everything to get him to see them but he really isn't interested. Our eldest child lives with him and the woman he ran off with, who he married. I've always spent time with my eldest son and see him every possible opportunity I can. The trouble is my ex keeps trying to push me out of our boys life. If there are appointments we need to attend say for our sons college he makes sure the appointments are when I can't go cause of looking after are younger kids. Then he takes his wife to these appointments instead. She even introduced herself as his mum the other day. I've always been close to all my kids and I never wanted my boy to live with my ex but I lived in the country and he wanted to be near his mates in the town. The thing is now I'm just so sad cause it feels like they are trying to replace me in his life.

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yeronlyman · 51-55, M

When a man suffers marriage breakdown he can become isolated from his kids for many reasons including but not limited to:

1) being vilified by his ex (right or wrongly)
2) lack of access, lack of contact
3) emotional stability and maturity
4) his emotional investment in his new relationship
5) the financial obligations
6) hormonal changes
7) resentment

Solitair · 46-50, F

@yeronlyman well maybe 3 and 4 but that still doesn't help the poor kids who end up blaming themselves especially when they see him playing dad to her children. I treasure them it's not them but it still hurts them.

yeronlyman · 51-55, M

@Solitair honestly even if he was invested more the kids may still find it hard... it’s tough for kids, but they will do okay with time... but you’re right they are his kids and he needs to be the best dad he can be...

is he the sort of man you can explain that to him and he will try to understand and make a better effort?

Solitair · 46-50, F

@yeronlyman unfortunately no. He blames them for being angry and confused. He doesn't get that they are hurt when they see him with someone else's kids. He believes that they should "get over it" And that as he lives with these other children their needs, wants and desires are more important. I've even pointed out that if he had a bit of one to one with his own children they may feel less cross and hurt but he won't have a bar of it. I even tried mediation but he walked out. He's loosing his youngest kids and I think that's sad for everyone but I can't force him to want them.

yeronlyman · 51-55, M

@Solitair That’s heartbreaking... it leaves your kids and you in a difficult situation... I had a different albeit similar situation when I was young, our mum more than made up for the absence of our dad and we were all very close to her... and our grandparents... she was a very good woman.

Strangely I now recognise my mum taught me how to be a better dad Long before I became a dad...

They are lucky they have you
Much peace and respect... 💐🙏🏻

Solitair · 46-50, F

@yeronlyman thank you.

yeronlyman · 51-55, M

@Solitair peace and respect 💐