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I Don't Belong Anywhere

Offline, I’m not a part of any community. Although I’m happy by myself and I don’t like being part of a group, sometimes I want to share happiness, joy, excitement, adventure, and connections with other people in real life. I love my independence, but sometimes I’m jealous of how others can have friends and a group of people to hang out with. In the past, I avoided being in a group because I didn’t want to experience peer pressure and groupthink. I believed that I would lose my individuality if I joined a group. Also, I didn’t accept myself as a loner yet during those times. I looked sad so different people at different instances approached me, out of pity, to pretend to be my friend. I didn’t want their pity so I declined. I never made friends even to this day. I like being different, not so different that I stand out, but I can still blend in. I don’t like being a copy; I like being an original. We’re all different because we made different decisions and had different experiences. For several years now, sometimes I still feel disconnected from other people despite sharing similar interests, values, beliefs, likes, dislikes, experiences, knowledge, and skills with some people. Yes, there are other times when I feel content, happy, excited, optimistic, and positive about life and for other people I see smiling and laughing with whoever they’re with. But the times when I believe I don’t belong are filled with longing, jealousy, sadness, and pain. I wish I could form a tight close group. I can start by inviting people to do activities with me somewhere in public. Over time after spending many years hanging out together, we can be close. I wanted to share my feelings about not belonging anywhere. I most often come up with my own solutions. I mentioned my solutions as part of this story because I’m not seeking advice; I’m expressing my feelings and thoughts about the topic.

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joahola98wj · 36-40, F

@Cinnamon I disagree. I don't believe he's intellectually disabled. I remember being young, perhaps around 5 years old through 12 years old or 13 years old, not liking other people so I made them feel horrible. I did it in a passive-aggressive way by pointing out other people’s mistakes or weaknesses. However, I never called anyone names. I was jealous that they were happy and I was unhappy. I got over that phase when I could finally put myself in other people's point of views, saw that I received negative reactions from other people, and I didn’t like how my parents and family treated or spoke about other people. It hurts me to make fun of others so I stopped doing it at age 12 or 13. Fortunately, I didn’t use the Internet for online forums and chatting yet when I was at those ages. I learned how to be kind and compassionate to others. If he’s really 15 years old, he can still change the way he behaves toward other people. I also remember being a teenager who was sensitive and wanted to be liked by other people, sensitive in that any criticism or negative feedback would make me feel defensive and attacked. Perhaps he’s leaving these comments for attention because he doesn’t receive it from his parents. I remember as a teenager, I also acted out against my parents because I still resented them for how they treated me in the past and I had a hot temper that came out when they did something to trigger it. I changed around 18 years old. I accepted that I couldn’t change my parents and family, and other people who treat others unkindly. They change if they want to do so, not when someone else is telling them to change.