I Don't Belong Anywhere

Offline, I’m not a part of any community. Although I’m happy by myself and I don’t like being part of a group, sometimes I want to share happiness, joy, excitement, adventure, and connections with other people in real life. I love my independence, but sometimes I’m jealous of how others can have friends and a group of people to hang out with. In the past, I avoided being in a group because I didn’t want to experience peer pressure and groupthink. I believed that I would lose my individuality if I joined a group. Also, I didn’t accept myself as a loner yet during those times. I looked sad so different people at different instances approached me, out of pity, to pretend to be my friend. I didn’t want their pity so I declined. I never made friends even to this day. I like being different, not so different that I stand out, but I can still blend in. I don’t like being a copy; I like being an original. We’re all different because we made different decisions and had different experiences. For several years now, sometimes I still feel disconnected from other people despite sharing similar interests, values, beliefs, likes, dislikes, experiences, knowledge, and skills with some people. Yes, there are other times when I feel content, happy, excited, optimistic, and positive about life and for other people I see smiling and laughing with whoever they’re with. But the times when I believe I don’t belong are filled with longing, jealousy, sadness, and pain. I wish I could form a tight close group. I can start by inviting people to do activities with me somewhere in public. Over time after spending many years hanging out together, we can be close. I wanted to share my feelings about not belonging anywhere. I most often come up with my own solutions. I mentioned my solutions as part of this story because I’m not seeking advice; I’m expressing my feelings and thoughts about the topic.