I Battle Depression and Anxiety

This is the part that nobody sees. I'm locked inside my bedroom. Crying. I can't move. I can't breathe. My thoughts are racing. What would everyone say. You're pathetic. You're a loser. You're weak. You're too up tight. You're too negative. You're not even trying. You need to toughen up. Slow, deep breaths. Calm down. You're ok. You can do this. Just breathe. You will be ok. There's no one else here. Just me. Rocking myself back and forth, self soothing... I'm so tired. I need to sleep. I have work to do. I sleep too much. Short nap, if I have the energy, I'll do something in few hours. Sleep, drift away. Wake up. Cold sweat. Panic. I can't breathe. My heart is pounding. Open my eyes. Calm down. I'm ok. Check the time. It's still early. A few more hours. Sleep, drift away... Repeat again every hour until finally I have no choice now. Wake up. Get up now. There's work to do. The sooner I get up and go, the sooner it's all over. Shower. Power through, hands shaking all the way. Disoriented. Forgetful. Careless. What is wrong with me?

I can't do this anymore. I don't want to live like this.