I Feel Hopeless

When it comes to hope at most times, I feel hopeless. There are things I've been wishing to overcome ever since I realized the truth of just what I would need to do to continue and do in life, and I haven't yet. I know it takes more than wishing, and I need to have faith, yet I just feel like it's coming to a time where it'd be ideal and or normal for one person to be able grow and overcome it...but I haven't. There are things that I'm just expected to do or just in the case expected to do so because it will better my chances in life, and I find myself lacking basics, lacking the endurance, lacking the proficiency, lacking the sound stability (mental/physical) in order to achieve or complete it. I'm seen as some hard worker, but I only do it cause I must. I'm seen as a studious person, but I just want to get it all done. At the end of the day I just wanted to be done with it, I never went above and beyond...i did the minimal or just enough. I didn't socialize, I didnt participate, I didn't do anything but do what I needed to do and then went home. I was never involved and I wasent In it for the gold, or a better future...because in a way I kind of gave up, not to mention I'm a lazy piece of shit....and in a way I want to be that person, but I'm not....at least it seems like I've come to realize I'm not.

In a way I just wanna live life, rather than having to follow these expectations set out for me.....and I know those expectations lead to a better or wealthy future, but I just don't know...I'm far to broken to walk down that road, and I know it let's others down but I just don't know...i just don't feel like it's for me, and or I'm not that well set of a person to lead myself there....so I'm sorry. These words aren't enough to describe what I'm feeling or how I work, or what I'm talking about...but I tried so there it is...