I Feel Hopeless

When it comes to hope at most times, I feel hopeless. There are things I've been wishing to overcome ever since I realized the truth of just what I would need to do to continue and do in life, and I haven't yet. I know it takes more than wishing, and I need to have faith, yet I just feel like it's coming to a time where it'd be ideal and or normal for one person to be able grow and overcome it...but I haven't. There are things that I'm just expected to do or just in the case expected to do so because it will better my chances in life, and I find myself lacking basics, lacking the endurance, lacking the proficiency, lacking the sound stability (mental/physical) in order to achieve or complete it. I'm seen as some hard worker, but I only do it cause I must. I'm seen as a studious person, but I just want to get it all done. At the end of the day I just wanted to be done with it, I never went above and beyond...i did the minimal or just enough. I didn't socialize, I didnt participate, I didn't do anything but do what I needed to do and then went home. I was never involved and I wasent In it for the gold, or a better future...because in a way I kind of gave up, not to mention I'm a lazy piece of shit....and in a way I want to be that person, but I'm not....at least it seems like I've come to realize I'm not.

In a way I just wanna live life, rather than having to follow these expectations set out for me.....and I know those expectations lead to a better or wealthy future, but I just don't know...I'm far to broken to walk down that road, and I know it let's others down but I just don't know...i just don't feel like it's for me, and or I'm not that well set of a person to lead myself there....so I'm sorry. These words aren't enough to describe what I'm feeling or how I work, or what I'm talking about...but I tried so there it is...

Heartlander · 80-89, M

Climbing out of a rut can be difficult. The deeper the rut the more difficult.

I remember as a teen in a small town, there was a road adjacent to a railroad track. Actually the the tracks and the road were pretty much in the same place but still the road was the road and the railroad tracks were the railroad tracks.

It was pretty easy to stray from the roadway onto the tracks, but once the truck tires fell between the two rails it was impossible to steer back into the roadway. From inside the railroad tracks with the 8" high steel rails the tires couldn't get enough of a bite into the smooth steel to escape.

The first time I got locked between the two rails the only thing I could do was to just stop and feel like an idiot.

An old man sitting on a porch came to my rescue and told me that the only way to get out that rut was to turn the steering wheel as far to the left as possible so I could then jump the rail from a perpendicular angle and be on my way. Otherwise I'd never get out of the rut.

It worked.

Mamapolo2016 · F

@Heartlander [quote]The first time I got locked between the two rails[/quote]

I wonder if we’re related?