I Don't Talk to My Dad
Step dads
I guess I'd start with my dad.
I was told he left my country when I was like a year old, and a year later mommy left too. So for 9 years me and my older sister lived with our uncle and his wife. I was a year old when daddy left and 2 years old when mommy left. I don't remember anything from those ages, so growing up I thougth the woman that called all the time was my sister's mommy and that my parents were my uncle and his wife(yea I know, it makes no sense but I was just a kid). I told mommy this once on the telephone, that she wasn't my mom, that my mother was my uncle's wife, obviously this was a huge blow to her because it meant I had forgotten about her. My older sister tried to explain a few times these people weren't our parents...but everytime she tried she would get yalled at or even beaten, so she stopped. Mommy came to visite us in 2005, and they took me to the airport to pick her up. All I remember about that was that on our way home she kept saying "JJ IT'S ME, IT'S MOMMY, IT'S MOMMY, FROM THE TELEPHONE, IT'S ME" and I remeber just staring at her the owl way back just wondering "what...?who...?". I mean before that we were laughed at a few times by some family members who said stuff like our mommy is a prostitute who only cares about men and left us to rot back at my country.
Mommy always called, she called a lot during those 9 years, but...tho daddy called a few times, it's wasn't that much. As soon as I found out the people I thougth were my parents weren't(this happened when mommy came to visite) I understood at the same time the woman and man that called were actually my parents too, not just my sister's(I know it makes no sense but I use to belive me and my older sister had different parents).I saw pictures of daddy and he looked like an older version of me. I looked up to him from that moment because it just felt rigth you know, I mean he looked like such a cool guy and a better version of me so yea...
Daddy came to visite when I was 8 years old, and it was like when mommy came, it was all I thougth it would be like, I instantlly felt like I was somehow upgraded when ever I was next to him...but that was just at first. Soon later the people we lived with found out my older sister had a boyfriend, and this was bad because you weren't allowed to have boyfriends/girlfriends until u are 18, it would be a shame for your family if u did, because somehow it meant u weren't educated rigth...I knew she had a boyfriend and kept it a secret because I knew what they would do to her if they found out. You see there was this girl a year older than my sister that also lived with us, she also had a boyfriend too, and when they found out about that they beat her, tored her cloths off until she was butt niked, poured a mix of water and pepper on her and forced her to go out like that. All I remember was seeing her outside at nigth crying,screaming and trying to cover herself anyway she could(she was like 12-13 years old). So I kept my sister's secret...but during daddy's visite they found out and since daddy was around everyone was wondering if they would dare to lay a finger on her. They didn't, but instead did something else. They poisoned his mind saying stuff like "She is ur daughter, u should do something about this as the father u are", I think daddy didn't really care my older sister had a boyfriend...but since he was presured to do something he id something. He gat really mad and beat her with his belt over and over againg screaming at her in front of me, I started crying begging him to stop but instead he turned at him and started hitting me with the belt too for knowing and not saying anything to anyone. After that I kept my distance from him...he tried apologizing a few days later but that didn't change anything. Daddy is somehow stuck in my country now, I don't know why but he is not allowed to leave, but I don't care, he tries to text me from time to time but me and my sister just ignors him, mommy usually says we should at leats say "hi".
A few years later our documents came out and we were abol to move from my country to Spain, to live with mommy. You she, mommy and daddy weren't together anymore, they had been seperated many years before we gat to Spain. Mommy explained to us daddy use to be abusive with her, both mentally and physically. She told us he would sometimes bring women home and call tell her to pretend she was his sister. She said he use to beat her a lot, but she decided to move and leave him the last time he did that. You see back when they were still together in Italy mommy decided to buy a house back in my country, just incase things doesn't work out in Europe, so they could have a place to return to and not have to go back to live with their parents. When she explained this to daddy the gat so mad he beat her so much her face swelled up. She explained she was alone, had no job/education and no where to go...so she did in fact became a prostitute to survive until she could get a job as a waitress, because she also had to send money every month to my uncle and his wife for taking care of me and my older sister.
At the club were she use to work as a prostitute she met my first step dad. His name was Philip. You know how it's always awkward to meet the guy sleeping with ur mom? well with him it wasn't like that at all, he was just filled with so much fun and helped us in anyway he could, you know?It felt rigth, I would get mad at him for normal things kids get mad at their parents for, it just felt like a dad should feel like. I remeber I once had a conversation about sexuaities with him, and what he said to me was "The important thing about people is if they are nice or not, what you take to bed with you has nothing to do with anyone else but you".Tho I never officaily came out to my family, that moment with him made me feel like it would be ok, it made it feel less scary. I remeber he use to help us a lot with school and stuff, we even had weekly allowance with him. But tho he was great with us.. turns out with mommy things weren't that great. Mommy had always been sceptical with him... for the 9 years they were together not once did we meet his family, he never lived with us, he lived in madrid and come once a week, stay over for a few days and leave. He is never around on holidays and had a picture of a little girl on his phone as the backgound...he said she was his little neace, but we all belived he had another family in Madrid with him.
Things really gat out of hand one day when mommy had a melt down. She had been through a lot. I remember she tried to kill herself that day, she drank a lot of alcohol and took a lot of pills, she kept calling me and saying stuff like "Take care".Me and my sister didn't know what to do so we called the ambulance and philip. She and philip had a big figth that day but it wasn't just that you know, she had been dealing with a looooot of stuff and I guess that was just the tipping point. Anyway Philip came back (he had left after the figth they had), and the ambulance came and took her to the hospital. The next day I went to school and was shaking the owl day worried about her. When I gat home I was surprised she was at home...alone. I asked where was Philip and my older sister, she told me Philip went to work and that tho my sister was home when she gat gat back home from the hospital, she left soon later with her boyfriend. I was soo mad, I mean I understand she is back to her "normal" state but how could they have left her alone after what happened last nigth?.I texted my sister and she said she just had to get out of there because it was uncomfortable for her to be around mommy...because my sister also did a thing or two that pushed mommy to the state she was at last nigth. Anyway mommy said that day was like a eyeopener for her, and that she just couldn't be with Philip anymore after that, because during the figth they had he called her bitter and told her she just made everyone's life worst...so she decided maybe if she was dead everyone would be happier and that how she gat to the owl suicidal thing.
After they broke up mommy was alone for a year or 2. Then she met someone on facebook she use to know back in my country.His name was Mike, and at the time he was living in Amsterdam. Turns out...Mike wasn't just any friend from the past, he and mommy use to date, in fact mommy told us he was her first boyfriend back in my country before she met daddy.She went to Amsterdam as soon as she could to visite him. When she came back she began to call him a lot more and they talked a lot more. Soon after that mommy told me he was coming over to visite us for a month...I was a bit anxious not gonna lie, I know the way some people from my country are(not very nice) and I didn't know what to expect from him. When the day came the first thing he wanted us to do as he gat into the house was to pray...I was like "HAHA YEA GOOD ONE!" but before I knew it we were in a circle holding hands praying...in my head I was like "WTF WTF WTFFFF". Things were hard with him...but I thougth "It's just for a month, I just have to hold on for a month and he will leave".But a month passed and nothing, so I talked to mommy about it and she was like "Who told you he was gonna leave in a month???"so...he was actually there to stay.
I don't remember everything that happened chronologically, just stuff here and there. But I do remeber soon later mommy kept asking if me and my sister would like to have a little brother/sister. We were like "Hell no! not with that mess". I mean the guy has never worked his entire life, had no job or education, wasn't planing on doing anything about that, all he cared about was god, god and god. I mean he would draw a cross with oil from the kitchen on every door and window of the house. He even use to force me to go to church with him every sunday. He was kinda sexist too, he would give me lectures about how us men have to control our women, all he did was sit around all day while mommy cooked and served the table, then he would wait until me or her pick up the owl thing. He was also a bit racist too, he use to say stuff like "All the white people hate us blacks, so there for we should stay away from them".He only gat along with mommy's black friends and would only answer the white ones when eer they asked him something, but never did anything to try and get along with them.
Anyway mommy conformed she was indead pregnant and so therefor we were getting a little sibling no matter what we say. She was happy with him, she said she had never felt that happy for years, so my sister moved out and I was the one who had to figure out someway to be ok with all of that. He also talked a lot about me not showing him enough respect because I use to call him by his name and to put the word "unlcle" before it as little kid do in my country to show respect.
I remember coming home from school one day and mommy was crying, I asked what was wrong and she explained she had just gat knew that grandma(her mother) had just died. I tried to comfort her but stopped and went out side as soon as I noticed my tears. My stepdad(Mike) came over, and in his effort to try and comfort me he said "Come on, don't cry, men don't cry, u have to be a man"...in my head I was like "I am soo not in the mood for one of ur lectures rigth now".
BTW I was told my grandma died of oldage at the time...but a few years later my sister told me it was a lie, that mommy that told her and everyone else to lie to me. The truth was that when she was found dead in her house there were signs on her body that showed she migth had been strangled. That her boyfriend who was younger than her disapeared and that he never fed her, I remember she would always say she was hungry when ever we called her, and the last picture we saw of her she looked so thing it took a while to recognize her.
Soon after that they gat married and I had a baby brother. I somehow found a way to be ok with having him around, but just I was getting use to the idea of him, he and mommy started to have figths, like BIG one, sometimes it would even get physical, mommy was the one doing the piushing and puching tho, he never deared to lay a finger on her, he would just stand/sit there laughing while mommy screamed at him, which would make her boil up a lot more. You see, all Mike had to do was take care of my baby brother, and sometimes cook, that was it, mommy was the one who did most of the shopping and worked all day, she pays the bills and even gave him an allowance from time to time so he would have some money of his own . Still he would get mad and accuse her of cheating, because she speands the owl day out(working as a waitress). It gat to the ponit she asked him to move out, she didn't care where he went, she just wanted him out. At first he said no, and stayed for like a week or two, my sister suggested we call the police on him, but he then told moomy that he would move out on his own if she paid him 300 euros. She had no choice but to do so, and even before he left he stole somthings. Mommy explained to us that he was always sweet with he, but it turns out the reason he has never worked was because he didn't have the necesary documents to do so, so that's why they gat married, so he would be easier to get those documents and start working, but she said as soon as he gat them he changed(with her). She also explained what happened back in my country when they younger. She said he was her first boyfriend, and everything was great until she found out he cheated on her with one of her friends, who gat pregnant because of him. She somehow decided to forgive him after that but did the same thing again a few months later and with another friend of hers and left her pregnant too. That's why she left him and met daddy.
By the time my brother was 2 he was already gone. Close to the end of thier marrige mommy lost her cafeteria, so we had to move from the house we lived in to an apartment in the city were it would be easier to find a job. It took a while and things were tough for a year and half I think, but then she found a steady job. Tho the new apartment was smaller and we had to give our 2 dogs away because pets weren't allowed, it was nice, had a great view of the city. But I think all that was 3-4 years ago..not sure. We've moved againg since then, to another apartment, this time mommy saved enough money and bougth and apartment bigger than the one we had. I now have another stepfather she met at her work place, he lives with us...and if I could explain him in one word is...dull, nice, responsable, hardworking...but dull, for me anyway. Tho he had 2 daughters he always wanted a son and he did tried to get along with me at first but I wasn't interested. He does get along greatlly with my brother tho, btw he is now 5 years old. Something that bugs me about him is that he keeps teaching my brother how to use the word "marica"(which means faggot I guess in english). I just decide to ignore him.
And btw my older sister have been living on her own now for 2-3 years now and been in Germany for a year.That's it, that's all.
I guess I'd start with my dad.
I was told he left my country when I was like a year old, and a year later mommy left too. So for 9 years me and my older sister lived with our uncle and his wife. I was a year old when daddy left and 2 years old when mommy left. I don't remember anything from those ages, so growing up I thougth the woman that called all the time was my sister's mommy and that my parents were my uncle and his wife(yea I know, it makes no sense but I was just a kid). I told mommy this once on the telephone, that she wasn't my mom, that my mother was my uncle's wife, obviously this was a huge blow to her because it meant I had forgotten about her. My older sister tried to explain a few times these people weren't our parents...but everytime she tried she would get yalled at or even beaten, so she stopped. Mommy came to visite us in 2005, and they took me to the airport to pick her up. All I remember about that was that on our way home she kept saying "JJ IT'S ME, IT'S MOMMY, IT'S MOMMY, FROM THE TELEPHONE, IT'S ME" and I remeber just staring at her the owl way back just wondering "what...?who...?". I mean before that we were laughed at a few times by some family members who said stuff like our mommy is a prostitute who only cares about men and left us to rot back at my country.
Mommy always called, she called a lot during those 9 years, but...tho daddy called a few times, it's wasn't that much. As soon as I found out the people I thougth were my parents weren't(this happened when mommy came to visite) I understood at the same time the woman and man that called were actually my parents too, not just my sister's(I know it makes no sense but I use to belive me and my older sister had different parents).I saw pictures of daddy and he looked like an older version of me. I looked up to him from that moment because it just felt rigth you know, I mean he looked like such a cool guy and a better version of me so yea...
Daddy came to visite when I was 8 years old, and it was like when mommy came, it was all I thougth it would be like, I instantlly felt like I was somehow upgraded when ever I was next to him...but that was just at first. Soon later the people we lived with found out my older sister had a boyfriend, and this was bad because you weren't allowed to have boyfriends/girlfriends until u are 18, it would be a shame for your family if u did, because somehow it meant u weren't educated rigth...I knew she had a boyfriend and kept it a secret because I knew what they would do to her if they found out. You see there was this girl a year older than my sister that also lived with us, she also had a boyfriend too, and when they found out about that they beat her, tored her cloths off until she was butt niked, poured a mix of water and pepper on her and forced her to go out like that. All I remember was seeing her outside at nigth crying,screaming and trying to cover herself anyway she could(she was like 12-13 years old). So I kept my sister's secret...but during daddy's visite they found out and since daddy was around everyone was wondering if they would dare to lay a finger on her. They didn't, but instead did something else. They poisoned his mind saying stuff like "She is ur daughter, u should do something about this as the father u are", I think daddy didn't really care my older sister had a boyfriend...but since he was presured to do something he id something. He gat really mad and beat her with his belt over and over againg screaming at her in front of me, I started crying begging him to stop but instead he turned at him and started hitting me with the belt too for knowing and not saying anything to anyone. After that I kept my distance from him...he tried apologizing a few days later but that didn't change anything. Daddy is somehow stuck in my country now, I don't know why but he is not allowed to leave, but I don't care, he tries to text me from time to time but me and my sister just ignors him, mommy usually says we should at leats say "hi".
A few years later our documents came out and we were abol to move from my country to Spain, to live with mommy. You she, mommy and daddy weren't together anymore, they had been seperated many years before we gat to Spain. Mommy explained to us daddy use to be abusive with her, both mentally and physically. She told us he would sometimes bring women home and call tell her to pretend she was his sister. She said he use to beat her a lot, but she decided to move and leave him the last time he did that. You see back when they were still together in Italy mommy decided to buy a house back in my country, just incase things doesn't work out in Europe, so they could have a place to return to and not have to go back to live with their parents. When she explained this to daddy the gat so mad he beat her so much her face swelled up. She explained she was alone, had no job/education and no where to go...so she did in fact became a prostitute to survive until she could get a job as a waitress, because she also had to send money every month to my uncle and his wife for taking care of me and my older sister.
At the club were she use to work as a prostitute she met my first step dad. His name was Philip. You know how it's always awkward to meet the guy sleeping with ur mom? well with him it wasn't like that at all, he was just filled with so much fun and helped us in anyway he could, you know?It felt rigth, I would get mad at him for normal things kids get mad at their parents for, it just felt like a dad should feel like. I remeber I once had a conversation about sexuaities with him, and what he said to me was "The important thing about people is if they are nice or not, what you take to bed with you has nothing to do with anyone else but you".Tho I never officaily came out to my family, that moment with him made me feel like it would be ok, it made it feel less scary. I remeber he use to help us a lot with school and stuff, we even had weekly allowance with him. But tho he was great with us.. turns out with mommy things weren't that great. Mommy had always been sceptical with him... for the 9 years they were together not once did we meet his family, he never lived with us, he lived in madrid and come once a week, stay over for a few days and leave. He is never around on holidays and had a picture of a little girl on his phone as the backgound...he said she was his little neace, but we all belived he had another family in Madrid with him.
Things really gat out of hand one day when mommy had a melt down. She had been through a lot. I remember she tried to kill herself that day, she drank a lot of alcohol and took a lot of pills, she kept calling me and saying stuff like "Take care".Me and my sister didn't know what to do so we called the ambulance and philip. She and philip had a big figth that day but it wasn't just that you know, she had been dealing with a looooot of stuff and I guess that was just the tipping point. Anyway Philip came back (he had left after the figth they had), and the ambulance came and took her to the hospital. The next day I went to school and was shaking the owl day worried about her. When I gat home I was surprised she was at home...alone. I asked where was Philip and my older sister, she told me Philip went to work and that tho my sister was home when she gat gat back home from the hospital, she left soon later with her boyfriend. I was soo mad, I mean I understand she is back to her "normal" state but how could they have left her alone after what happened last nigth?.I texted my sister and she said she just had to get out of there because it was uncomfortable for her to be around mommy...because my sister also did a thing or two that pushed mommy to the state she was at last nigth. Anyway mommy said that day was like a eyeopener for her, and that she just couldn't be with Philip anymore after that, because during the figth they had he called her bitter and told her she just made everyone's life worst...so she decided maybe if she was dead everyone would be happier and that how she gat to the owl suicidal thing.
After they broke up mommy was alone for a year or 2. Then she met someone on facebook she use to know back in my country.His name was Mike, and at the time he was living in Amsterdam. Turns out...Mike wasn't just any friend from the past, he and mommy use to date, in fact mommy told us he was her first boyfriend back in my country before she met daddy.She went to Amsterdam as soon as she could to visite him. When she came back she began to call him a lot more and they talked a lot more. Soon after that mommy told me he was coming over to visite us for a month...I was a bit anxious not gonna lie, I know the way some people from my country are(not very nice) and I didn't know what to expect from him. When the day came the first thing he wanted us to do as he gat into the house was to pray...I was like "HAHA YEA GOOD ONE!" but before I knew it we were in a circle holding hands praying...in my head I was like "WTF WTF WTFFFF". Things were hard with him...but I thougth "It's just for a month, I just have to hold on for a month and he will leave".But a month passed and nothing, so I talked to mommy about it and she was like "Who told you he was gonna leave in a month???"so...he was actually there to stay.
I don't remember everything that happened chronologically, just stuff here and there. But I do remeber soon later mommy kept asking if me and my sister would like to have a little brother/sister. We were like "Hell no! not with that mess". I mean the guy has never worked his entire life, had no job or education, wasn't planing on doing anything about that, all he cared about was god, god and god. I mean he would draw a cross with oil from the kitchen on every door and window of the house. He even use to force me to go to church with him every sunday. He was kinda sexist too, he would give me lectures about how us men have to control our women, all he did was sit around all day while mommy cooked and served the table, then he would wait until me or her pick up the owl thing. He was also a bit racist too, he use to say stuff like "All the white people hate us blacks, so there for we should stay away from them".He only gat along with mommy's black friends and would only answer the white ones when eer they asked him something, but never did anything to try and get along with them.
Anyway mommy conformed she was indead pregnant and so therefor we were getting a little sibling no matter what we say. She was happy with him, she said she had never felt that happy for years, so my sister moved out and I was the one who had to figure out someway to be ok with all of that. He also talked a lot about me not showing him enough respect because I use to call him by his name and to put the word "unlcle" before it as little kid do in my country to show respect.
I remember coming home from school one day and mommy was crying, I asked what was wrong and she explained she had just gat knew that grandma(her mother) had just died. I tried to comfort her but stopped and went out side as soon as I noticed my tears. My stepdad(Mike) came over, and in his effort to try and comfort me he said "Come on, don't cry, men don't cry, u have to be a man"...in my head I was like "I am soo not in the mood for one of ur lectures rigth now".
BTW I was told my grandma died of oldage at the time...but a few years later my sister told me it was a lie, that mommy that told her and everyone else to lie to me. The truth was that when she was found dead in her house there were signs on her body that showed she migth had been strangled. That her boyfriend who was younger than her disapeared and that he never fed her, I remember she would always say she was hungry when ever we called her, and the last picture we saw of her she looked so thing it took a while to recognize her.
Soon after that they gat married and I had a baby brother. I somehow found a way to be ok with having him around, but just I was getting use to the idea of him, he and mommy started to have figths, like BIG one, sometimes it would even get physical, mommy was the one doing the piushing and puching tho, he never deared to lay a finger on her, he would just stand/sit there laughing while mommy screamed at him, which would make her boil up a lot more. You see, all Mike had to do was take care of my baby brother, and sometimes cook, that was it, mommy was the one who did most of the shopping and worked all day, she pays the bills and even gave him an allowance from time to time so he would have some money of his own . Still he would get mad and accuse her of cheating, because she speands the owl day out(working as a waitress). It gat to the ponit she asked him to move out, she didn't care where he went, she just wanted him out. At first he said no, and stayed for like a week or two, my sister suggested we call the police on him, but he then told moomy that he would move out on his own if she paid him 300 euros. She had no choice but to do so, and even before he left he stole somthings. Mommy explained to us that he was always sweet with he, but it turns out the reason he has never worked was because he didn't have the necesary documents to do so, so that's why they gat married, so he would be easier to get those documents and start working, but she said as soon as he gat them he changed(with her). She also explained what happened back in my country when they younger. She said he was her first boyfriend, and everything was great until she found out he cheated on her with one of her friends, who gat pregnant because of him. She somehow decided to forgive him after that but did the same thing again a few months later and with another friend of hers and left her pregnant too. That's why she left him and met daddy.
By the time my brother was 2 he was already gone. Close to the end of thier marrige mommy lost her cafeteria, so we had to move from the house we lived in to an apartment in the city were it would be easier to find a job. It took a while and things were tough for a year and half I think, but then she found a steady job. Tho the new apartment was smaller and we had to give our 2 dogs away because pets weren't allowed, it was nice, had a great view of the city. But I think all that was 3-4 years ago..not sure. We've moved againg since then, to another apartment, this time mommy saved enough money and bougth and apartment bigger than the one we had. I now have another stepfather she met at her work place, he lives with us...and if I could explain him in one word is...dull, nice, responsable, hardworking...but dull, for me anyway. Tho he had 2 daughters he always wanted a son and he did tried to get along with me at first but I wasn't interested. He does get along greatlly with my brother tho, btw he is now 5 years old. Something that bugs me about him is that he keeps teaching my brother how to use the word "marica"(which means faggot I guess in english). I just decide to ignore him.
And btw my older sister have been living on her own now for 2-3 years now and been in Germany for a year.That's it, that's all.
