I Have Alot of Sadness In My Heart

I drag into an existence studded with small daily failures. Small pieces that make up the mosaic of a great existential failure.
Where the only comfort is represented by fatuous moments into a fake reality, that covers the oppressive bitter as a powerful narcotic.
The hopes killed, the dreams suffocated in the bud, the abortion of attitudes, the smiles that no longer come and that become tears. Quiet and choked. The latent fear of what it will be, and the fear itself as the only guide.
The big and small humiliations, that cyclically come mocking me, and calling me by name.
Always hoping that tomorrow could be the same, because otherwise I know that it will be worse.
So many prayers repeated as mantra, that end up to be words, thoughts and emotional impulses thrown to the wind. Feeling crazy because whatever you do turns out to be the wrong thing or, at best, useless.
The constant darkness at the bottom of the tunnel where I fell.
I made so many mistakes, some of them very serious. I paid them dearly, one by one.
Unfortunately from my mistakes I never came out stronger, but with a broken back.