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I Love My Mum But She Drives Me Crazy

And again she wants to control everything i do.. Even if i keep doing what she wants me to do.. Is this ever going to end? Lol, probably not.
According to her, i'm not doing a good job of being an almost-26 year old with no job or no marriage looming around! xD So i 'should' study harder, wake up earlier, go for running, lose some weight!
I asked her why, so she told me..so that i would get another degree, good job and a prospective guy. Lol.
So i asked her why would i need all that? What for?
She tells me, so that i have a good home, so that i'm happy, so that i don't end up alone.
And i asked...why do all that, when i already have a good home, and i'm happy being alone! That's like searching and ending up in the same place! Lol. I'm just plain lazy for all that!
She tells me that by doing all that studying, getting a degree or a job and marrying someone is supposed to make me happy...but what if i'm already happy being who i am?! xD
And she had no answers!
I know she meant good for me. And over the past year, i've come to love her and accept her the way she is. Her controlling nature doesn't drive me that crazy anymore..except just sometimes. Why should losing some weight or getting fit or marrying someone matter more than the inner happiness and peace? I wish she could understand that i'm not the same anymore, but she never looks past how i look or how i'm behaving. And it just makes me sad.

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JoannaBe

When I was 16 I was signed up for an evening dance class. One evening I really did not feel like going. My mother "Do not deprive yourself of this pleasure!"

In between the time when I got married and when we had our first kid my mom would drive me crazy about trying to get me to give her a grandchild, including talking to a friend of mine who already had a kid whom I was seeing for the first time after many years, she called her up and asked her to use our meeting to try to persuade me to have a kid.

I am 42 now. I hate to do clothes shopping but in part I don't really get to do my own clothes shopping even if I wanted to because my mother loves clothes shopping, and she buys me tons of stuff. And every week or so when we talk in the phone for about half an hour, most of the conversation is my mother chewing my ear off about clothes she just bought for me and for my kids. I tell her that my closet is too full already, and she tells me I should give to charity some of my old clothes, that it is ok even if I give some clothes away that she once gave me, she won't mind. I like my old clothes best. I have some blouses I still wear that I got when I was in high school or college.

Does it ever end? Well, in my experience, no.

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JoannaBe

You know. Usually I know I love my mom. But sometimes when she drives me so crazy, I am not feeling it, and I feel guilty, like I am a bad daughter. My mom does so much for me, she wants to help me, and I know she means well, and yet sometimes I wish I had a mother who did not want to do all that for me. And sometimes I tell her. And then I have to live with the after effects of that, that I drove my mother to tears and caused her sleepless night. Most of the time I don't. Most of the time I stay quiet about it. But it builds up over time. And then I explode over nothing. I become angry with my mother over some stupid detail, and anyone witnessing that will think I am crazy because who would overact over this unimportant detail. It's just that that detail happened to be the last straw, you know?

ethereal · F

Yes, i know, dear.. I love my mom too. And the same happens with me, i usually ignore her remarks and everything, coz i really dont want to hurt her..but sometimes, it keeps on building over the time and then its bound to explode at the even the most slightest remark. This time though, its been more than a few months that it mattered to me in this way.

kuveeraa

@JoannaBe : Take what life is offering open handedly. Not all get such privileges. Bests.

thoughtbubble

Like you say, she means well, she's looking out for your good. It so happens, the three things she mentions, might, after all be good for you in the long run. You say you are already happy, but she thinks about where you __will be__ happy , say a few years later. Job & Study : Will provide you financial independence, marriage or not. Reducing weight : boring, but has a direct correlation to health. Early rising : Since you have a good spiritual inclination, that time is best suited, so you can put it good use.
No, you still don't have to be a good girl. It's okay to be naughty, because all well-meaning daughters are! LoL.

ethereal · F

You're right, she does mean well. But i already had reduced 10 kgs last year just bcoz she wanted me to, and i gained some back. so what's the use trying if my genes have that much weight. lol. I've been trying to reduce my weight since childhood and i've accepted that's how this body is going to be in this life, coz no matter what i stay in this weight-range i am now..but my mom wants me to be slim, which is not possible coz i always gain back. haha. And i'm more than healthy, i hardly ever fall sick, no flu etc either. Just one fever in whole year. Anyways that's not the point. I agree that job and study will provide me financial independence and that was what i had wanted in the beginning, but then as i got more into being spiritual, i realized i wanted to be free, not financially, just free. lol. But i guess, since we live in society, we have to make a living and do all that. I'm okay with it now. :)
Thank you. ^^

thoughtbubble

Yeah, you are right about the weight thing, one has to take the body type into consideration.

ethereal · F

serenitee068

It's amazing how you are handling the situation. I truly believe that inner happiness and peace is important no matter what your status in life is.

ethereal · F

Thank you. ^^ I believe so too, coz what use are those statuses if there's no inner peace and happiness.

kasiyat

Damn... You mom sounds like mine :-| and you sound like me.

ethereal · F

I guess moms and daughters are same everywhere, atleast most of them. If only the mothers would realize how and what their daughters go through. But no, mothers are always right and they always know the best! :|

kasiyat

No, dear. Not everywhere. My mom is not the same with my sister. And also, i have seem moms who are best friends with their daughters.

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