I Take Relationships Seriously
This time next year I could be living in my very own home in a beautiful coastal country town. It's what i thought I always wanted and what a lot of city people want to do. But now I have cold feet about it all. Not many people will understand why I feel the way I do and I know I sound really selfish.
Melbourne is my hometown. This has become even more important to me since my cancer surgery 2 months ago. I havd faith in having the best surgeons & care as a patient in a large Melbourne hospital.I was born & raised in Melbourne. Though I've not been able to make the most of living here while I've been unwell I know that it's here and when I'm able to again, I can hop on a tram & go to the markets or walk around the city watching buskers, shopping and seeing a theatre or comedy show. I love that I have all of this at my doorstep. It's what I've always had and enjoyed. I'm probably more of a "city girl" than I've actually ever realised & taken all of that for granted.
I know Melbourne also has it's downsides too with the traffic, more violence & drugs & as a mum to a teenager that worries me. But that is everywhere including the area we planned to move to. My son who has never really settled into high school and doesn't have any mates out of school sees the move as "the grass is greener". I understand his hope of a better life, something that will give him new opportunities and friendships. And while I would sincerely hope for that too for him, In reality , I see him as the "new kid" and him always attracting attention to be bullied. I see myself struggling with school fees and not being able to afford to put him into sports or other activities. It concerns me that he wouldn't fit into a "small town" community. I feel the same for myself, never like hearing gossip and would be deeply hurt if I was part of somebody else's gossip. That seems to be a "small town thing" from what I've heard and I've always disliked gossip. This isn't really something that happens in Melbourne, every one is too busy to care and we don't even know our neighbours names.
I've also had the opportunity to build up my hobby business successfully in Melbourne. In this new area and surrounding areas, the volume of people and the demand would not be available to continue. I'm afraid I would have to throw my business away and just take any old job to help pay the mortgage each week. I love my business, love being creative, being my own boss & working around my health. Giving up my business would be like cutting off my left arm. It has given me something to focus on and feel an achievement. I know it would struggle out of Melbourne even including the photography side of things which I'm planning on doing. If my health doesn't improve much, It would be difficult to hold down a job if working for someone else and I can only see myself under extreme financial pressure. My son attends a government school with minimal school fees but the government schools in this coastal town have a terrible reputation so the only other school available is a catholic school. We all were very impressed with the school. The school fees are standard for a catholic school and I'm sure is worth every cent. I don't mind paying school fees but it's how I'm going to be able to afford it if I can't work or have to take a low paying job somewhere.
For my partner , the move was/is very important for him. He moved from a large country town to Melbourne 8 years ago to be with me. He hates Melbourne, the people, the traffic, I hear it a lot. I get it though. I know it's very different compared to what he came from. He adapted but hated it all the same. He is all for the "sea change". It will suit him. But I no longer feel the appeal to be surrounded by wineries (I don't drink), strawberry farms or beaches as lovely as it sounds, I think I would always be pining for having my local convenience retail stores around the corner, or hop on a tram to the city. I like that my family & friends are in Melbourne and that I'm not too far away from the big hospitals when I need them which has unfortunately been a lot.
I have obviously thought a lot about this especially over the last month. I have been caught up in the hype of the nice house but while all the planning and thinking has been going on quietly in the background, my mind has side tracked to the reality of actually relocating our lives to a completely new area, one that I would feel so isolated if the relationship was to end. I know how important this is to my partner. He has given 8 years of his life in Melbourne and has always said he couldn't stay here forever. We both had the same long term goal to live in a seaside town. I know and he knows that he is going to move there regardless of what I choose to do.
My heart is in Melbourne and as much as it is hectic rat race this is where I need to be. I would do anything to keep my son happy & grounded and I know in some ways the country life would suit him but he is also naive and thinks that moving there would see the end of his boredom and frustration. I know the relationship is based on my decision and I'm not sure if I can compromise to keep them happy.
If I don't go, I know it's over. The relationship has lost a lot of its strength from various stresses we have endured.I know some people would move anywhere to stay with their partner. I didn't think it would become an issue. I've tried to ignore how I feel, thinking it may be just a rough time while recovering from surgery. I've felt like this for more than just a few weeks. If I feel I have to move just to save the relationship then that's not the right reason to move. I would rather save the heartbreak now then later when I have to leave a house that we called our own. The risk of that is very real.
If I could overcome all my reasons for why I don't want to leave Melbourne, then so be it. It's difficult to be in this situation. My concern is that in the end, at least one of us is going to be unhappy in order to keep the others happy. I'm the only one reluctant to leave.
I use to adapt well to change but since I've been unwell I just want stability and familiarity. This area and surroundings is much more familiar to my partner, it's where he would stay when going to the beach and he has family there. His son works down there often and the area would suit his other son
If he chose to live there. Its too much to expect my partner & my son to comprehend how I feel. But I know that I have to be happy too. Thank you for reading!
Melbourne is my hometown. This has become even more important to me since my cancer surgery 2 months ago. I havd faith in having the best surgeons & care as a patient in a large Melbourne hospital.I was born & raised in Melbourne. Though I've not been able to make the most of living here while I've been unwell I know that it's here and when I'm able to again, I can hop on a tram & go to the markets or walk around the city watching buskers, shopping and seeing a theatre or comedy show. I love that I have all of this at my doorstep. It's what I've always had and enjoyed. I'm probably more of a "city girl" than I've actually ever realised & taken all of that for granted.
I know Melbourne also has it's downsides too with the traffic, more violence & drugs & as a mum to a teenager that worries me. But that is everywhere including the area we planned to move to. My son who has never really settled into high school and doesn't have any mates out of school sees the move as "the grass is greener". I understand his hope of a better life, something that will give him new opportunities and friendships. And while I would sincerely hope for that too for him, In reality , I see him as the "new kid" and him always attracting attention to be bullied. I see myself struggling with school fees and not being able to afford to put him into sports or other activities. It concerns me that he wouldn't fit into a "small town" community. I feel the same for myself, never like hearing gossip and would be deeply hurt if I was part of somebody else's gossip. That seems to be a "small town thing" from what I've heard and I've always disliked gossip. This isn't really something that happens in Melbourne, every one is too busy to care and we don't even know our neighbours names.
I've also had the opportunity to build up my hobby business successfully in Melbourne. In this new area and surrounding areas, the volume of people and the demand would not be available to continue. I'm afraid I would have to throw my business away and just take any old job to help pay the mortgage each week. I love my business, love being creative, being my own boss & working around my health. Giving up my business would be like cutting off my left arm. It has given me something to focus on and feel an achievement. I know it would struggle out of Melbourne even including the photography side of things which I'm planning on doing. If my health doesn't improve much, It would be difficult to hold down a job if working for someone else and I can only see myself under extreme financial pressure. My son attends a government school with minimal school fees but the government schools in this coastal town have a terrible reputation so the only other school available is a catholic school. We all were very impressed with the school. The school fees are standard for a catholic school and I'm sure is worth every cent. I don't mind paying school fees but it's how I'm going to be able to afford it if I can't work or have to take a low paying job somewhere.
For my partner , the move was/is very important for him. He moved from a large country town to Melbourne 8 years ago to be with me. He hates Melbourne, the people, the traffic, I hear it a lot. I get it though. I know it's very different compared to what he came from. He adapted but hated it all the same. He is all for the "sea change". It will suit him. But I no longer feel the appeal to be surrounded by wineries (I don't drink), strawberry farms or beaches as lovely as it sounds, I think I would always be pining for having my local convenience retail stores around the corner, or hop on a tram to the city. I like that my family & friends are in Melbourne and that I'm not too far away from the big hospitals when I need them which has unfortunately been a lot.
I have obviously thought a lot about this especially over the last month. I have been caught up in the hype of the nice house but while all the planning and thinking has been going on quietly in the background, my mind has side tracked to the reality of actually relocating our lives to a completely new area, one that I would feel so isolated if the relationship was to end. I know how important this is to my partner. He has given 8 years of his life in Melbourne and has always said he couldn't stay here forever. We both had the same long term goal to live in a seaside town. I know and he knows that he is going to move there regardless of what I choose to do.
My heart is in Melbourne and as much as it is hectic rat race this is where I need to be. I would do anything to keep my son happy & grounded and I know in some ways the country life would suit him but he is also naive and thinks that moving there would see the end of his boredom and frustration. I know the relationship is based on my decision and I'm not sure if I can compromise to keep them happy.
If I don't go, I know it's over. The relationship has lost a lot of its strength from various stresses we have endured.I know some people would move anywhere to stay with their partner. I didn't think it would become an issue. I've tried to ignore how I feel, thinking it may be just a rough time while recovering from surgery. I've felt like this for more than just a few weeks. If I feel I have to move just to save the relationship then that's not the right reason to move. I would rather save the heartbreak now then later when I have to leave a house that we called our own. The risk of that is very real.
If I could overcome all my reasons for why I don't want to leave Melbourne, then so be it. It's difficult to be in this situation. My concern is that in the end, at least one of us is going to be unhappy in order to keep the others happy. I'm the only one reluctant to leave.
I use to adapt well to change but since I've been unwell I just want stability and familiarity. This area and surroundings is much more familiar to my partner, it's where he would stay when going to the beach and he has family there. His son works down there often and the area would suit his other son
If he chose to live there. Its too much to expect my partner & my son to comprehend how I feel. But I know that I have to be happy too. Thank you for reading!
