I Need to Get Something Off My Chest
It's so funny. I want to write, but at the same time, I feel like there's nothing left to be said. I've vented it all, shared it all... there's really nothing left to voice, but the emotions are still here, and there's this little part of me that feels (or hopes) that if I just continue writing, eking out the words, then perhaps the pain will go away. Perhaps, I will have expelled all the poison. That's how it works, right? Catharsis?
Well, so far it doesn't seem to be working. Yet here I am desperately trying to place my feelings on the page, in hopes that they stay there and allow me a moment of peace.
He has been on my mind a lot lately.
At first, I think that I miss him. Then I begin to wonder if it's really him that I miss, or if it's just the feeling that he gave me. I ponder on the thought for a few moments before realizing that my efforts to decipher it eludes me. I think our relationship ended too quickly for me to really know the answer. I think that's what bothers me most.
I sit here with pangs of rejection and feelings of confusion. That's one thing about life, though. Sometimes you never get the answers that you want, and you just have to find contentment with that or else let it consume you.
So I have to find some form of contentment with this. I have to accept that I will never know all of the answers that I seek.
Sometimes sitting with pain is the best thing that we can do. Not reacting, or analyzing, but just sitting with it.
And so maybe that's all I need to do at this moment. Stop the movement.
Stop the fervent flailing efforts to relieve myself of this hurt.
Stop struggling, and holding the ache so close to my heart.
I just have to let it go, and stop seeking answers to a problem that is not in my control.
Well, so far it doesn't seem to be working. Yet here I am desperately trying to place my feelings on the page, in hopes that they stay there and allow me a moment of peace.
He has been on my mind a lot lately.
At first, I think that I miss him. Then I begin to wonder if it's really him that I miss, or if it's just the feeling that he gave me. I ponder on the thought for a few moments before realizing that my efforts to decipher it eludes me. I think our relationship ended too quickly for me to really know the answer. I think that's what bothers me most.
I sit here with pangs of rejection and feelings of confusion. That's one thing about life, though. Sometimes you never get the answers that you want, and you just have to find contentment with that or else let it consume you.
So I have to find some form of contentment with this. I have to accept that I will never know all of the answers that I seek.
Sometimes sitting with pain is the best thing that we can do. Not reacting, or analyzing, but just sitting with it.
And so maybe that's all I need to do at this moment. Stop the movement.
Stop the fervent flailing efforts to relieve myself of this hurt.
Stop struggling, and holding the ache so close to my heart.
I just have to let it go, and stop seeking answers to a problem that is not in my control.
31-35, F