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I Have Lost a Child

rckt148 · 61-69, M
My deepest Sympathy

I ended up getting mine back ,but I had my kids taken from me
I had no clue where they were for 12 yrs
Private investigators ,pressuring the courts and child support enforcement
No one would help me
Social Security said if I won my disability and my ex wanted the checks they were entitled to ,she would have to let me know where my kids were
I got my hopes all up ,and then they turned me down
It wasn't that no one didn't know where she was ,she was getting AFDC
but under the privacy act they didn't have to tell me ,she had primary custody ,,but in 1995 ,,I found my kids ,,I fought and got them back
But the emotional roller coaster I was on ,,I quit telling people I had kids
MY Mom went nuts over loosing my Brother ,and I lost a brother I raised
But I know ,,I still can't imagine what its like to carry a child ,then loose it ,,I would go insane if any of my kids or Grand kids were to die
I have an ex who lost her child in a car wreck ,it drove her nuts
I have lost a lot of people I love ,but that is my all day long prayer
Lord keep you're hand on my Babies ,,you know I need them to go on
If you thought I went nuts over my woman ,,don't let anything happen to my kids ,,
they have been spared of things you would think I was lying
I can't look over 1 of them 24 /7 but I trust Christ to look after 10 of them
so far ,He has not let me down ,,but I pray none stop
God is first and He knows that ,my family is next in line
silentwriter180 · 51-55, F
@rckt148 You are lucky to have seen them again. Can't do that with someone who is no longer alive
rckt148 · 61-69, M
@silentwriter180 I didn't share this to say my pain was worse or less
and you are right ,I was blessed to get them back
but the things that happened to all of them in my absence ,there are some things some would agree ,that are worse then death
And being only 23 ,not fully matured myself
to lose my wife who I had been with every single day for 10 yrs ,and my 3 kids ,,for them to disappear ,and not know what my kids even looked like for 12 years ,,that was 12 years of pain that I know hurt in someways more then death ,,
A loved one that passed did not betray you ,they just passed
they didn't hide others you loved from you ,,
It was no less painful then if a rig had hit my car and killed my entire family all at once ,,the loss is the same
The heartache feels exactly like a heart attack ,I know because when my last woman left me (the pain caused by my first wife has carried on into 2 other relationships )I thought I was just grieving ,but my daughter checked my vitals and made me go to the ER and I was having a heart attack
The heart specialist said the symptoms are so close ,he believes many people do actually die from a broken heart
Had my Daughter not made me go to the ER ,I would have died that night
The sexual and physical abuse my kids endured ,,I got back my children
but they were not the kids they could have been ,had I been there to protect them ,,but they are fine now ,,after 26 yrs of Dad showing he will fight for them ,and no one will hurt them again ,,but its not been easy
What they went through has effected their relationships too
They made it ,but all of us died that day ,even the ex wife
She has been in 2 mental institutions from the things the man she left me for put her through ,,and my kids were there ,and seen her melt down
She came close to killing them all ,and she scared them to death until she was baker acted ,and forced to get help
I blame me for all of it ,,but I was a 23 yr old kid ,,
Who believed if I worked hard ,paid the bills ,provided for my family I did my job ,,I have learned being a husband and a Dad takes more then that
But I do believe the pain is the same ,,but you are right
I was given a second chance you won't get
but I also believe if you believe in Christ ,,you will see you're loved one again ,and you won't ever see them die again
We all have to die once ,,,some are going to do it twice
I don't want to be in that number ,once will be enough
but I am thankful I have not had to bury a child as many family members have had to ,,loosing them and feeling the loss was bad enough
and the pain they endured at the hands of step Dads and relatives
They prayed to die more then once themselves ,and their Dad wasn't there to save them ,I have to live with that
Carazaa · F
So sorry! Do you want to share a little about it?
Carazaa · F
@silentwriter180 He sounds like an amazing young man! 🌟
Carazaa · F
@Carazaa He lives on, and leaving a great legacy!
silentwriter180 · 51-55, F
@Carazaa indeed. Thank you!
Peaches · F
So true my beautiful sister. 💕💙😔
Ladyred · 46-50, F
I am so sorry for your loss..
Carazaa · F
🤗🌷💖
trackman11 · 61-69, M
I have no words. I am profoundly sorry for a loss no parent should have to endure. Forgive me for intruding.
silentwriter180 · 51-55, F
@trackman11 No intrusion felt. I appreciate your kind words. xo
Carazaa · F
Thank you for that reminder. You are so amazing!💖
silentwriter180 · 51-55, F
@Carazaa 💗
SweetMae · 70-79, F
Just one phone call ..... I am sorry for your loss.
silentwriter180 · 51-55, F
@SweetMae Thank you. 💜
DefinitelyMaybe · 26-30, F
im so sorry
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
Sorry for your loss. My dad passed in August. No one is untouchable.
caccoon · 36-40
I'm so sorry for your loss. :(
Zonuss · 41-45, M

 
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