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I Am Not Romantic

Romance is OK for teenagers or maybe for the very young. But I wince when I read a romantic rant on here by anyone declaring an age over 30. It seems inappropriate and immature. Especially those situations in which the people involved have never actually met and have only texted or talked over the phone. Real love doesn't happen until you have actually met someone in person and spent significant amounts of time with them. You can "fall in love" at first sight, of course. I understand that very intense attractions happen. But that is not really love in any sense that I understand it. I don't really feel comfortable with words like "soulmate" if they are used by someone beyond their earliest dating years. They sound silly and meaningless to me. I always hesitate to post this kind of response to anyone having a cloud nine romantic fantasy. I know they won't like it and that a lot of angry people here will see me as a joy killer. I know I have had an unusually unhappy life in this and in other respects, so I am hardly wise or objective about these kinds of over the top love rants. But, then, neither are the people that post them.

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bijouxbroussard · F

And this is also not something you can generally say without being dismissed as “old and bitter”. So people either find it out by being catfished and become sadder and wiser—or—occasionally, they [b]do[/b] make a real connection and find some kind of happiness. But [b]that[/b] is unlikely to happen for those [b]announcing[/b] that they’re here looking or that they’ve found it.

CharlieZ · 70-79, M

@bijouxbroussard And, perhaps, also unlilely to those who say nothing. So, everybody gets even for worth. Just saying.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@bijouxbroussard An otherwise intelligent and sensible long time friend of mine got involved recently in a whirlwind romance with a pretty but unlikely prospect, someone who clearly spelled trouble from the start. When I said a few words of warning he chuckled indulgently. To make an ugly story of 5 months short, she took him for every cent he had (and he is a poor man living on Social Security in his 70s) and then, with no warning, dumped him for another guy. He is heartbroken and very bitter about it and has now declared he is stupid about love and did not see it coming and has stopped dating entirely. That, I suppose, is what made me post this. I, personally, stopped dating in '93.

bijouxbroussard · F

@greenmountaingal I’m very sorry to hear things like that. I’ve seen people get hurt both on EP and here. I’ve said, when people come with their laundry list of who they want, “This isn’t a dating site”. But no one listens. I’ve still occasionally dated, but not from online sites.

bijouxbroussard · F

@CharlieZ I do know a few couples who found each other on EP and are still together. So I don’t rule it out. But that wasn’t why they had joined, and they were relatively discreet.

CharlieZ · 70-79, M

@bijouxbroussard I agree with you about SW and some other social sites.
Regarding discretion about, it may be wise or, sometimes strike back.

I do not agree with the original poster about the intrinsic irreality of romance and love above a certain age, even if in person.

If I´m wrong and she is right, wich is posible, love is an untrue hope but, in that case, nothing else would be worth a fart. Nothing.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@CharlieZ I was not talking about love. I was talking about people who post over the top romantic posts about people they barely know or perhaps have never even met. I know a number of people in my life who have found true and lasting love. But when a person who is past their teens sounds like a teenager about someone they've texted with a few times or talked on the phone with, they are being immature and they sound silly to me. Real love, between two people who have actually met and spent some significant period of time together is something else. I'm not against real love, just skeptical of juvenile fantasies which pass for it.

CharlieZ · 70-79, M

@greenmountaingal I appologize.
I understood you badly, my fault.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@CharlieZ ..
Or I sound too cynical in my post. Thanks.

CharlieZ · 70-79, M

@greenmountaingal This, said from a man who haves, as other may have, more than enough reasons to be esceptic.
But I choose, as my brand of freedom, to own my mistakes rather than attribute my defeats to other ones.

CharlieZ · 70-79, M

@greenmountaingal 💐 You are welcome.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@CharlieZ Nowhere in my post did I blame my many disappointments in love on anyone. I take full responsibility for the many times I have been a fool. Maybe that's why I find superficial immature romantic rants annoying.

CharlieZ · 70-79, M

@greenmountaingal Never said you did.
After all, each one bleeds (and rant) from his own bleeds.

But, only as a personal stand for, I reserve the quality of frivolous and inmature for the rants that theorize that individuality isolated from love is the hallmark of maturity.
Ok, I also leave part of the adjective for ideas like: "heal and put in the past", "you can only control yourself", all the "self whatever" collection, and for the word "acceptance".
And for the snake oil a la mode therapies.