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I Had A Fight With My Boyfriend

And it seems like a big one

I just flew home for the weekend and the boyfriend picked me up from the airport like the sweetie that he is. We got to my parent's house a few hours ago and were hanging out with m&d in the kitchen just chilling and talking.

Some background ... About three weeks ago I got invited to apply to something pretty prestigious. I'm currently in the Navy and this is not something that everyone does. I don't want to go into details, but it's kinda a big deal. I Skyped with mom about it and she was 100% completely against it. It would change the direction of the job I would have within the Navy and she was not in favor. Based on her reaction, I didn't tell the boyfriend about it at all. But I did tell my commanders that I was all in.

Anyway, fast forward back to tonight standing around the kitchen counter and my mom brings it up and looks at the boyfriend and says she hopes he can talk some sense into me. He played it cool at first but the look on his face made it pretty clear that this was the first he was hearing of it and he wasn't happy about that. Mom apologized to me quickly and said it looked like we needed to talk. Ya think? 🙄

Anyway, he and I walked out front and stood leaning on his truck for an hour "talking." Lot's of not nice things were said, some loudly. Finally he left saying he needed to go cool down before he said anything he didn't mean (as if everything he said up to that point he meant).

So I know I screwed up. Relationships are built on openness and trust. But nothing in this decision changes my total commitment time to the Navy (although it is a decision that would help advancement if I did decide to stay in longer). Ugh, anyway, instead of being out on a date, I'm sitting at the desk in my old room trying to figure out if he's going to call me.

About me: https://similarworlds.com/sarabee1995/info

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Scribbles · 36-40, F

Sorry to hear things are strained right now between you and your mom, and you and your boyfriend. Hopefully things get worked out.

It's hard in a relationship when 2 people have completely different ideas of what you should do, much less what you want to do not fully being taken in account or being supported. And then the hardship of not having proper communication. And it sounds like neither your mom or boyfriend are fully on board with you making Navy career decisions that change the one idea and expectation of said Navy career they had. I think they need to decide to support you and how they will do that... whether they like your decision or not. idk.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@Scribbles You're exactly right. They see the Navy as simply a mechanism for me to get grad school paid for and then be done. And certainly that was part of the reason I'm here in the first place. But I've never ruled out a Navy career (not to them or myself). I'm simply not at the point where I need to make that decision, and yet it seems he now wants that decision made.

Scribbles · 36-40, F

@sarabee1995 Sounds like everyone all around had good intentions, and that you intended to talk face to face with the bf about it, except mom spilled the beans early because she wanted to talk about her concerns about it. And lack of communication escalated things and feelings ran high and everything went pear-shaped instead of things going according to your plan. Oops. You had quite the life learning experience there. I've stalled in talking with boyfriends about info in the past and had a nasty fight as a result too. But yeah, you guys are not on the same page regardless of any communication issues all around.

Hopefully feelings settle down enough to have some heart-to-heart talks and figure out what you both need/want (Even if all you can say is that you don't know where your navy career will take you yet...but you want to be open to possibilities)...and with any luck, find a compromise and solve whatever the core issues here are for BOTH of you including how you both want to handle communication about any similar future situations. And figure out if there is way to move past this and forward together.

Good Luck!
Sending you hugs and a chocolate bar. 🤗

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@Scribbles Thank you Scribs for always being straight and giving great advice ... and for the chocolate bar. :)

Scribbles · 36-40, F

@sarabee1995 I just hope it helps (my base idea of good family and relationship communication and problem solving comes from observing one particular aunt and uncle and their 3 sons) and if my advice does not help...I have faith in you that you'll figure this life and relationship stuff out just fine. Whatever direction you choose, you have my support. :)

room101 · 56-60, M

@Scribbles Can I have a chocolate bar too..............but none of that American stuff that you guys call chocolate 😜

Scribbles · 36-40, F

@room101 Are you going to eat chocolate with us or stage a chocolate intervention? 🙄🤪

The only chocolate I have right now is a Taza brand dark chocolate in the shape of a disc . Which might be an American chocolate you'd like to try.

You are welcome to check the labels on the packaging.

(I know I do...because generally any mass produced foods and drinks over here are all crap and not worth buying unless you want to shorten your life span from too much sugar and artifical colors and sweetners and corn syrup, or is overly-processed, cancer causing chemicals banned in other countries, and/or has a weird waxy or chalky, corn syrupy textures)

But we do have small companies that make high quality chocolates that I think could easily compete with the quality of European chocolates. I'm down for a chocolate judging competition anytime anywhere btw...

I tend to buy Kitkats from Japan once a year around Christmas time-which makes me a hypocrite ( I know it is Nestle brand and not good chocolate or candy at all,though slightly higher end kinds are made in Japan...but I do love the hundreds and hundreds of flavors. I am determined to try every flavor before I die-some are super gross, but others are really good) When I visit Japan I'm sure I'll be in kitkat heaven. I like the adventure of this and the unique marketing story behind Japanese kitkats. Kitto Katsu!

Or I tend to buy just a good dark or bitter chocolate (I do not like milk chocolate and white chocolate). I try to buy organic, fair trade, and as additive free as I can find without breaking my bank account. Taza is my go-to chocolate... I used to buy dove and Ghiredelli but I can do better for my chocolate. lol

now that I'm off my soapbox...

What is your fav European chocolate brand?

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@Scribbles @room101 Ugh so things kinda escalated a bit today.

We're still not in agreement on what the issue is, but we were doing that taking turns talking thing (without the repeat back). Anyway, he was talking and right in the middle of what he was saying, he dropped a nuclear bomb on things. He literally said he was afraid he'd never be able to "tame" me.

I sat there quiet when he finished and I could just feel the anger building in me. He asked what was wrong and I just looked at him and told him he had about ten seconds left to take that back before its no longer possible. He asked take what back?

room101 · 56-60, M

@sarabee1995 Yep, like I said in my response thread..........time to let him go. Now, for two reasons.

room101 · 56-60, M

@Scribbles Nestle is one of my fave brands over here. They also make great breakfast cereals. I don't know if what they produce in this country is for European tastes or is the same as what they produce across the pond.

Galaxy (aka Dove) and Lindt (who own Ghiredelli) are also fave brands of chocolate. Never tried Taza.

In terms of individual chocolate confections, we've spoken about Toblerone before but there's another one that is pretty high on my fave list. Terry's Chocolate Orange. Unwrapping one is a joy in its own right😁

Scribbles · 36-40, F

@room101 My friend who lives in Scotland told me years ago that she had to retry chocolate all over when she moved out there. Because they do make things to European tastes. So almost everything tasted different. Though for some crazy reason reason she likes the cadbury creme eggs from america better then cadbury eggs out there. I figure it's got to be the nostalgia factor.

Taza is a stoneground chocolate. It's not a smooth chocolate exactly... it has a different texture and bitter dark chocolateness to it that I really like above Dove and Ghiredelli's. They also have THE BEST hot chocolate mixes in my opinion.

I do tend to buy Dove/Galaxy or Ghiredelli when I need chocolate for others-like for dipping fruit in chocolate. And like I said I used to buy those for myself all the time...
But Taza is just my top fav-now that I found it. So I've been enjoying that and ignoring every other chocolate in existence.

Did you know Dove was invented by a Greek-American?

Terry's chocolate orange? I'm intrigued. I'll see if they are sold over here. I'll try a new chocolate.

Nestle makes breakfast cereals over here too. But I don't like breakfast cereals ever since I became a teacher and dealt with morning breakfasts with kids. Parents feed the sugarest versions of the gunk constantly to their kids . So I've become rather anti breakfast cereal ever since. I consider cereal more a dessert then an everyday breakfast.

@sarabee1995 Yeah, time to cut him loose. Good luck, Sara!

room101 · 56-60, M

@Scribbles "Did you know Dove was invented by a Greek-American?"

THE GREEKS INVENTED EVERYTHING😂😂😂