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I Had A Fight With My Boyfriend

And it seems like a big one

I just flew home for the weekend and the boyfriend picked me up from the airport like the sweetie that he is. We got to my parent's house a few hours ago and were hanging out with m&d in the kitchen just chilling and talking.

Some background ... About three weeks ago I got invited to apply to something pretty prestigious. I'm currently in the Navy and this is not something that everyone does. I don't want to go into details, but it's kinda a big deal. I Skyped with mom about it and she was 100% completely against it. It would change the direction of the job I would have within the Navy and she was not in favor. Based on her reaction, I didn't tell the boyfriend about it at all. But I did tell my commanders that I was all in.

Anyway, fast forward back to tonight standing around the kitchen counter and my mom brings it up and looks at the boyfriend and says she hopes he can talk some sense into me. He played it cool at first but the look on his face made it pretty clear that this was the first he was hearing of it and he wasn't happy about that. Mom apologized to me quickly and said it looked like we needed to talk. Ya think? 🙄

Anyway, he and I walked out front and stood leaning on his truck for an hour "talking." Lot's of not nice things were said, some loudly. Finally he left saying he needed to go cool down before he said anything he didn't mean (as if everything he said up to that point he meant).

So I know I screwed up. Relationships are built on openness and trust. But nothing in this decision changes my total commitment time to the Navy (although it is a decision that would help advancement if I did decide to stay in longer). Ugh, anyway, instead of being out on a date, I'm sitting at the desk in my old room trying to figure out if he's going to call me.

About me: https://similarworlds.com/sarabee1995/info

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SooperSarah

How long have you two been dating? I don't think it's been long enough to think one is entitled to full disclosure.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@SooperSarah That's a complicated question. We've known each other since I was in high school. We dated the summer between my sophomore and junior years at university and on/off through junior year. We got back together this past fall and have been exclusive since Christmas.

SooperSarah

@sarabee1995 You know your relationship better than anyone else. To me, every "on and off" cycle erodes my willingness to just believe this time it's legit and be 100% open and upfront about everything. Not saying I would be dishonest, but I would definitely discuss important things with people like my mom first.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@SooperSarah As do I and that's why I did go to mom first. But as for this time being "legit" ... I wrote a whole long story about that back when it happened, but he kinda poured his heart out to me over Christmas break and expressed feelings that he's had for a bunch of years. Yes, it's complicated, but the "off" cycles were all me. I wasn't ready for anything serious and he was. So when I would turn things off, he would wait patiently.

SooperSarah

@sarabee1995 I think he needs to make known what he's expecting from this relationship. You didn't do anything wrong, but you somehow managed to wrong him enough that he said what he did to the person he's had feelings for and waited for all those years.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@SooperSarah He has made his expectations well known (over Christmas break and several times since). He thinks I'm "marriage material" although he says he knows I'm not ready for that kind of conversation (he's right). He wants me to do my four years and then come home and marry him.

SooperSarah

@sarabee1995 And your thoughts on his expectations are? I know nothing about him, but the word "controlling" comes to mind.
Do you really only want to do four years? I thought you were looking for a career.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@SooperSarah My thoughts on his long term intentions are exactly as he understands them to be ... I'm not ready for that kind of conversation in my life yet (he's five years older than me).

As for the Navy, yes, my intention was to have them pay for grad school (which they are doing) and then to fulfill my four year commitment to them after graduation and pursue a career either in the diplomatic service or something similar.

SooperSarah

@sarabee1995 Well, I hope he sees his misstep in this and learns from it :s

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@SooperSarah I just hope he's not too mad and that he calls.

SooperSarah

@sarabee1995 I hope so too. But if that's not the case, it's his loss and he has no one to blame but himself.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@SooperSarah Ugh 🤦‍♀️

SooperSarah

@sarabee1995 I know it sucks. He's not entitled to have a say in this decision, at least not where you relationship stands right now. Such issues are better discovered now rather than later.

I have a feeling he's going to get over it though. He'd be a fool to let you go.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@SooperSarah Thanks Sarah.

SooperSarah

@sarabee1995 🤗