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I Want Your Opinion

My nephew is 14, and he is away at a residential program where he also attends school. Similar to a military academy, but not military.

In his last letter, he mentioned that in this program there is no positive attention or reward for good behavior, because good behavior is the accepted norm. Rather the only attention the boys receive is negative, when they make a mistake. For example, he just elected to run a 10 mile challenge and completed it, with a good time. At the finish line he was given his time, but no other input. He knew he was successful because he received no attention that morning!😵

Well I certainly love the idea of a land where good is the only accepted norm! I can't wait to visit! Geez.

I have spent my life working with children, and now dogs. I am constantly using positive reinforcement, and I'm programmed to ignore as much negative behavior as I can,
in the interest of not rewarding it.
This new concept is blowing my mind.

The nephew is doing great, his attitude is upbeat. What do you think of only acknowledging the negative? Does that even work?

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grayhalo · 46-50, M

It's a method. While it can work, to me that breeds resentment. If they don't give any kind of positive reinforcement, I hope that at least the students are allowed to encourage each other.

EmilyEdith · 56-60, F

@grayhalo This is interesting too. The boys are on levels1-5 they can earn a certain amount of points per day, and move to the next level when they reach that number of points.
The boys on levels 1 and 2, which take about 4 months to pass, are on communication blackout with all kids on the same level. That means kids that have been in the program less than 4 months can not speak to each other at all. The idea there is the boys that have been there longer and understand the program better are the ones to talk to and the newer kids who are still mad and planning their escape LOL cannot commiserate. You can't strike up a conversation with an upper level kid either. The kids on the upper levels must engage you first.

WHOA. I get it, But that seems hardcore too!

Wol62 · 51-55, M

@EmilyEdith Is it a Scientology school?

grayhalo · 46-50, M

Again, it's a method. I imagine their results are not any more effective than any other method of properly bringing up a kid.

EmilyEdith · 56-60, F

@Wol62 NO!!! No.
No offense to the scientologists but no.😅

Wol62 · 51-55, M

@EmilyEdith 😂😂Phew glad to read that!

Wol62 · 51-55, M

@EmilyEdith Well would he knock a kid out who was picking on weaker kids?

EmilyEdith · 56-60, F

@grayhalo it is a very well thought of program with an excellent success rate, but this totally flies in the face of everything I was taught when I was getting my teaching degree. Also every parenting class that I ever attended, and now that I think about it, every counselor I ever went to with my own kids. They have all stressed how important focusing on the positive is. My nephew went in there a super negative kid, he seems way more positive than he ever has. I can argue with success, it's just a new concept to me.

b22065 · 46-50, M

@EmilyEdith There are industries in which when you screw up, people die. When you work for a corporation, and screw up, you cost the company money.

The idea of rewarding sub standard behavior simply isn't the real world. "You are okay even though you suck" just doesn't cut it.

As for punishing the negative and ignoring the positive, I would have to say that in your nephew's case, there are probably rewards down the road.

In the military, promotion is the reward. They don't pat you on your little head every time you show up on base. It is expected. Standards are expected to be met. When you exceed those standards, you move up in rank. When you fall below, you are riffed.

I think classrooms should be the same way. There is a minimum expected standard and it should be met...not rewarded.

EmilyEdith · 56-60, F

@b22065 Disrespect and lack of responsibilities are exactly what got him there. For him, this military sort of style advancement seems to be getting through..
I do agree that a permissive attitude is destructive, that's reflected in classrooms and jails and houses everywhere. These kids are new on the planet, they're going to take a shot at bad decision making...it's up to us to shut that down with consequences.

Wol62 · 51-55, M

@EmilyEdith He sounds a lot like me then, I ended up in one of these schools too, I was going to ask as it sounds like exactly what I had to endure until I was 16.

grayhalo · 46-50, M

@EmilyEdith If he ha been having behavioral issues, this kind of thing can be productive.

Wol62 · 51-55, M

@grayhalo Don't I know it.🙄

EmilyEdith · 56-60, F

@Wol62 well he's got a year, currently on month 4.
😑
I knew he had it in him. I just hope we can get him transitioned back into the real world I'm sure it will be a shock!

EmilyEdith · 56-60, F

@grayhalo yes. I think his mom saved his life sending him there.

Wol62 · 51-55, M

@EmilyEdith His mom sounds like quite a woman!