Reminders Of My Lost Innocence
It was Easter weekend when I begrudgingly spent the weekend at Mom's. She wanted me to help her clean out her attic, something I had already done not even three years ago. But I had a feeling she just wanted to pin me down, especially since what she claimed would required a whole day took all of five hours tops. So she either was being a pathetic drama queen as usual, or she stretched the truth to get me to stay.
I don't blame Mom for wanting me around, but I don't even like to look at her. Upon going through the remainder of my things, Mom presented me with two dolls I never knew were mine: a dog and a small teddy bear with a built in music box. They were part of my baby bedroom, until the room was completely altered when I was five, meaning those two items had to have been in storage ever since.
While Mom was downstairs I wound up the bear I never knew was mine and I had to once again hold back tears, like I had done so many times around her in the last year and a half. I went back to my partner's house Easter Sunday night. However, when I returned to my own place the next night, I started sleeping with both of my newly rediscovered dolls, along with my Snuggles bear and my Grover doll, winding up the bear before going to sleep.
I've been sleeping with the bear ever since I came home from her house. It reminds me of an innocence I'd kill to reclaim. I'm not happy. That's nothing new. The addition of those two dolls back into my life, however, reminds me of what I've lost, what I'd absolutely KILL for again.
I don't blame Mom for wanting me around, but I don't even like to look at her. Upon going through the remainder of my things, Mom presented me with two dolls I never knew were mine: a dog and a small teddy bear with a built in music box. They were part of my baby bedroom, until the room was completely altered when I was five, meaning those two items had to have been in storage ever since.
While Mom was downstairs I wound up the bear I never knew was mine and I had to once again hold back tears, like I had done so many times around her in the last year and a half. I went back to my partner's house Easter Sunday night. However, when I returned to my own place the next night, I started sleeping with both of my newly rediscovered dolls, along with my Snuggles bear and my Grover doll, winding up the bear before going to sleep.
I've been sleeping with the bear ever since I came home from her house. It reminds me of an innocence I'd kill to reclaim. I'm not happy. That's nothing new. The addition of those two dolls back into my life, however, reminds me of what I've lost, what I'd absolutely KILL for again.
