I Wrote a Love Letter
Dear Future Husband,
You don't know me yet and I don't know you, but one day we will know each other well. Do not be alarmed by my tiny imp sized body, the fact I always have a sharp object in my hands, or my sharp (almost straight) teeth. I will not harm you unless I have a legitimate reason (ex. being hungry, PMS, if you piss me off, or if you breathe too loud).
I hope you will be tall, strong, and able to help me hide the bodies. I don't care what you look like as long as you have a face and a pulse, it'll all be good. You must put up with my mood swings, my cannibal tendencies, my ritual of bathing in fetus blood, my addiction to the internet, and my need to go to concerts.
I currently work selling organs on the black market. I want to one day make it a family business.
To qualify to win my heart you will have to be able to play video games, run faster than the average human being, be handy with a battle ax, have no problem with moving frequently, be okay with having to change your name periodically, have a sense of humor, be able to drive, like horror films, and have a vast supply of weapons. All of this will come in handy in time.
As your wife I would make you fried spleen, liver and brain roast, kidney pie, and entrails/blood milkshakes. I would also supply virgin girls to sacrifice into volcanoes.
We will be perfect for each other. Please come into existence and find me. I'll be waiting in the psychiatric ward of the nearest hospital. Come quickly to rid me of my straight jacket and brand me with a ring of our forever love.
I'll be waiting patiently for you,
NaturallyPeculiar
You don't know me yet and I don't know you, but one day we will know each other well. Do not be alarmed by my tiny imp sized body, the fact I always have a sharp object in my hands, or my sharp (almost straight) teeth. I will not harm you unless I have a legitimate reason (ex. being hungry, PMS, if you piss me off, or if you breathe too loud).
I hope you will be tall, strong, and able to help me hide the bodies. I don't care what you look like as long as you have a face and a pulse, it'll all be good. You must put up with my mood swings, my cannibal tendencies, my ritual of bathing in fetus blood, my addiction to the internet, and my need to go to concerts.
I currently work selling organs on the black market. I want to one day make it a family business.
To qualify to win my heart you will have to be able to play video games, run faster than the average human being, be handy with a battle ax, have no problem with moving frequently, be okay with having to change your name periodically, have a sense of humor, be able to drive, like horror films, and have a vast supply of weapons. All of this will come in handy in time.
As your wife I would make you fried spleen, liver and brain roast, kidney pie, and entrails/blood milkshakes. I would also supply virgin girls to sacrifice into volcanoes.
We will be perfect for each other. Please come into existence and find me. I'll be waiting in the psychiatric ward of the nearest hospital. Come quickly to rid me of my straight jacket and brand me with a ring of our forever love.
I'll be waiting patiently for you,
NaturallyPeculiar
26-30, F
