I Am Insecure

There's this girl who's good in math, a talented singer, great dancer, has a great body, considered a beauty, popular, smart, great in performing, and several others.

And then... There's me who is poor in math, can barely sing a proper note, has two left feet, in terrible shape, a nerd, and several others.

She came from an affluent family. And from what I see, she's perfect in my eyes. She's good in everything to the point that I want to get ahead of her.

I never wished ill upon her. In my mind, I just feel that I... want to be ahead of her. I'm so sorry.

I'm so insecure to the point that I feel like I'm nothing. Her talents are useful, and mine is useless. I mean, who needs my skills these days. She can do a lot and help a lot, and I feel so useless.

I want to make a difference with what I have, but I have nothing. I'm just... not great.

Why do insecurity keeps getting the best of me?

I, somehow, always compare myself to her in my mind. What do I have that she doesn't have? I suppose... I don't know it myself.

I'm insecure. I admit it. Faith, I'm so sorry. Sorry for being two-faced. I'm sorry for my horrible thoughts.

xmedleft · 51-55, M

OK, seriously, you can't feel the way you do about yourself because of someone else. There's always someone else and if you always "stare at the sun" you'll always be blinded to everything else -- obviously even to yourself. I mean I get it; it's low self-esteem and I have it, too. However you're not going to get anywhere with that until you just forget about others and try to think of yourself and your attributes in new and different ways.