I Love People Who Are Smart and Funny
"I get why Donald Trump didn’t want to be roasted tonight. By the looks of him, he’s been roasting nonstop for the past 70 years. Historically, the president usually performs at the Correspondents’ Dinner. But I think I speak for all of us when I say he’s done far too much bombing this month. Now, a lot of people in the media say that Donald Trump goes golfing too much. You guys are always like, “He goes golfing too much!” Which raises a very important question: why do you care? Do you want to know what he’s not doing when he’s golfing? Being president! Let the man putt putt! Keep him distracted! Teach him how to play badminton. Tell him he has a great body for bobsledding. Play him Tic-Tac-Toe. The longer you keep him distracted, the longer we’re not at war with North Korea.
Every time Donald Trump goes golfing, the headline should read: “Trump Golfing, Apocalypse Delayed. Take the W.” This is great. I love this. Even if you guys groan, I already hired Kellyanne Conway. She’s going to go on TV on Monday and tell everyone I killed, so it really doesn’t matter.
But I love that everybody’s drinking and having a good time. This is beautiful. You know Donald Trump doesn’t drink, right? Does not touch alcohol. Which is oddly respectable. But think about that. That means every statement, every interview, every tweet, completely sober. How is that possible? We’ve all had that excuse, haven’t we? “What? No, listen babe, I swear to you I was hammered! That’s not who I really am!” What does Donald Trump tell Melania? “Listen, babe, last year on that bus with Billy Bush, that’s exactly who I am.” He tweets at 3 a.m., sober. Who is tweeting at 3 a.m. sober? Donald Trump, because it’s 10 a.m. in Russia. Those are business hours."
Hasan Minah at the White House Correspondents Dinner
Every time Donald Trump goes golfing, the headline should read: “Trump Golfing, Apocalypse Delayed. Take the W.” This is great. I love this. Even if you guys groan, I already hired Kellyanne Conway. She’s going to go on TV on Monday and tell everyone I killed, so it really doesn’t matter.
But I love that everybody’s drinking and having a good time. This is beautiful. You know Donald Trump doesn’t drink, right? Does not touch alcohol. Which is oddly respectable. But think about that. That means every statement, every interview, every tweet, completely sober. How is that possible? We’ve all had that excuse, haven’t we? “What? No, listen babe, I swear to you I was hammered! That’s not who I really am!” What does Donald Trump tell Melania? “Listen, babe, last year on that bus with Billy Bush, that’s exactly who I am.” He tweets at 3 a.m., sober. Who is tweeting at 3 a.m. sober? Donald Trump, because it’s 10 a.m. in Russia. Those are business hours."
Hasan Minah at the White House Correspondents Dinner
