I Have Been Abused

I've become angry again. The past two days I've been battling with my resentment toward him and what he did to me. I'm mad that after everything is said and done, I'm the one that's paying more for his actions than he is.

It's been three months ago now, and I've finally found a good therapist that specializes in trauma. I've been dealing with all of my anxiety, angst, and depression all on my own until now. I continue to battle with my torn self-esteem and I evaluate my self-worth constantly.

I just wanted to throw a rock through his window. I wanted to scratch the paint off his car. I wanted him to have some sort of lasting mark from me, the same way that he has marked me.

I want him to be able to look at it and feel the pain. Live with the pain. Really feel it. Just like I have to everyday while trying to attend school, work, and just live my life.

It's not fair, and I know that it's never going to be fair. I know that he'll never feel the pain that he's made me feel, and I accept that.

In all honesty, I don't want him to ever have to feel it. I don't want anyone to. I hope that he can heal. I hope that we both heal. I hope we can both become better people.

People that mend instead of break.