I Have Been Abused
I'm now going through the anger phase of dealing with all of this. After I had finally taken a stand and called the police on him, I felt relieved. Like, I loved myself again, and strong. I was happy.
About two weeks ago, the depression started to sink in. I started blaming myself for everything that happened, worrying that nothing would come of me reporting his abuse, and feeling upset about the fact that I had wasted so much time with someone who didn't even love me back.
Well, now I'm angry. I'm mad about the fact that he could do this to me. I'm mad that he's probably happy right now, while I'm struggling to leave the house every morning. I'm mad at the justice system, and I'm mad that I have to endure all of this while no one else around me knows my struggle.
My classmates don't know why I've missed the last two weeks of classes, and my friends don't know why I keep avoiding them. Men don't know why I'm repulsed by their touch, or when they step too close to me. Women don't know that I need a true friend right now.
It's 5:40am and I've yet to sleep. I was sitting on the edge of my bathtub earlier, griping, thinking that I wanted something bad to happen to the perpetrator because I know that the court won't do much since this is his first reported offense. I talked to my mother, and she told me that she's 60 now. She told me that she can't believe how fast it's all flew by, and she doesn't want to see me sad like this forever. She said 'Life is too short.'
She's completely right. I'm at a good place in my life right now. I'm in graduate school, interviewing for an incredible job opportunity in 8 days, and also pursuing my dream of becoming a fashion designer with my online store. I have my family: mother, father, and brother. All of them support me and care to see me happy again.
What am I sitting around here sad for? Every moment that I sit back and reflect over our dysfunctional relationship, he is winning, because he has moved on. If I really want to get back at him, the best and most healthy way I can go about that is to just live my life.
I will continue to be the bubbly, caring, quirky person that I am, and just enjoy what life has to offer me. Because I deserve it, and because I am worth it. My smile is the best weapon that I have against this situation, and I can't continue to let anyone or anything take it away from me.
About two weeks ago, the depression started to sink in. I started blaming myself for everything that happened, worrying that nothing would come of me reporting his abuse, and feeling upset about the fact that I had wasted so much time with someone who didn't even love me back.
Well, now I'm angry. I'm mad about the fact that he could do this to me. I'm mad that he's probably happy right now, while I'm struggling to leave the house every morning. I'm mad at the justice system, and I'm mad that I have to endure all of this while no one else around me knows my struggle.
My classmates don't know why I've missed the last two weeks of classes, and my friends don't know why I keep avoiding them. Men don't know why I'm repulsed by their touch, or when they step too close to me. Women don't know that I need a true friend right now.
It's 5:40am and I've yet to sleep. I was sitting on the edge of my bathtub earlier, griping, thinking that I wanted something bad to happen to the perpetrator because I know that the court won't do much since this is his first reported offense. I talked to my mother, and she told me that she's 60 now. She told me that she can't believe how fast it's all flew by, and she doesn't want to see me sad like this forever. She said 'Life is too short.'
She's completely right. I'm at a good place in my life right now. I'm in graduate school, interviewing for an incredible job opportunity in 8 days, and also pursuing my dream of becoming a fashion designer with my online store. I have my family: mother, father, and brother. All of them support me and care to see me happy again.
What am I sitting around here sad for? Every moment that I sit back and reflect over our dysfunctional relationship, he is winning, because he has moved on. If I really want to get back at him, the best and most healthy way I can go about that is to just live my life.
I will continue to be the bubbly, caring, quirky person that I am, and just enjoy what life has to offer me. Because I deserve it, and because I am worth it. My smile is the best weapon that I have against this situation, and I can't continue to let anyone or anything take it away from me.
31-35, F
