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I'm Sorry

Whenever I talk to people I feel so unstable. Instead of listening I am thinking of what they maybe be thinking of me. Why are they even talking to me. Because of how I view myself I feel like I have a hard time talking to people.

I would really like to say how I feel and share actual feelings with people because that is how friendships grow. Why one falls we help each other back up and through that relationships grow. But im too scared of how people might react to my feelings that I don't offer them in the first place. What If they think i'm lying.

They may think that my personality is too dark. I get sad too easily. Im too depressing to talk too.Then maybe they weren't meant to be a friend in the first place if they don't take your feelings seriously. I like to think I know why self well but lately I've been feeling unstable. And I wish I could just get a hold of myself. Sometimes I feel like im drowning and I can't swim back up. I just don't know what to think and I can't get my limbs to do what I tell them.

I really do feel sorry towards the people I know because they have to deal with such a standoffish personality. Then again I feel bad for saying such a thing about myself. I shouldn't be sorry for my personality but sometimes I am and that pulls me so far down.

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SW-User

I can relate to so much of this..
it's a lot easier to talk with people here but in real life I'm just like you describe, I'll try to talk to someone but all the time I'm thinking about what they're thinking about what I'm saying or how my voice sounds or if they think I'm crazy or retarded... then I get confused about what I'm saying and start to stumble over my word's..

it's awful.. I don't talk to many people I don't know. and even people I do know actually.

:(

TURTLEGOD

Thats why I feel so bad for the people I do know. I feel most of the time when I talk it doesn't make sense. Because of my social anxiety (i feel like this is not accepting responsibility) I often tend to try and ignore the people I know because It usually turns out horribly. Then I feel even worse for not saying hi to people but I wonder if they even care that I did or did not say hi. Why do I even worry about little stuff like that.

SW-User

I feel bad that I can't communicate the way I want to because of the way I sound when I talk...
I don't have a clear speaking voice.. I hate listening to my recorded voice.. I don't want to talk to people because I don't want them to hear it.

TURTLEGOD

I feel like there is just so much to worry about when talking to people. Then again I wonder why should we even care what others think but then all over again the anxiety comes back and thats why. I guess all we can do is try and get used to things but that is daunting in itself. Sometimes it feels like its not worth the effort

SW-User

I know what you mean but I still try sometimes.. when I feel good about myself. wich isn't very often.

TURTLEGOD

@onestarrynight: Yeah, I'm the same there some days are good but most days when I get there it turns sour so fast