I Think Failed Relationships Change People
Of course failed relationships change people! Pain changes people!
I look for consistency in any friendship/relationship. If someone's behavior has been consistent for a great length of time & then they behave out of character, it raises concerns for me, no matter how small. If words also don't match a behavior, or make little rational sense, it also raises concerns.
Say you & your friend or partner text every day, several times through out the day, just to touch base, and then, for no particular reason known to you, you don't hear from them at all, when normally you would? Even if it's to ask how your day is going. To me, that is out of character, however, perhaps today they are busier than usual & hey, that's okay too.
However, upon questioning the person, by saying, "you must be busy today, beings I haven't heard from you", and then the response is, "I didn't want to BOTHER you"....came as quite a shock to me. In return I ask, "why on earth would you feel you are bothering me?" They say,"I don't feel that way. I figured after your busy day yesterday I'd give you some peace & quiet." I replied with, "Oh, ooooookay then." And I say no more. A few minutes or so later, I get the comment, "I was just being thoughtful, but nevermind then".
Well, I felt that last rhetorical comment was like getting slapped. And I still couldn't wrap my mind around the statement "I didn't want to bother you". Let me just add one piece of information. This person is working throughout the day as a head manager & I'm at home.
So she said she doesn't feel that way, but didn't want to bother me. That really made no sense to me. And why the need for a rhetorical comment as though I said something wrong? Well, I'm really not one to make a mountain out of a mole hill, so I just didn't say anything back. But it definitely boggles my mind a bit.
I'm sure glad I live alone and yep, the walls are still up. Failed relationships will do that to a person.
I look for consistency in any friendship/relationship. If someone's behavior has been consistent for a great length of time & then they behave out of character, it raises concerns for me, no matter how small. If words also don't match a behavior, or make little rational sense, it also raises concerns.
Say you & your friend or partner text every day, several times through out the day, just to touch base, and then, for no particular reason known to you, you don't hear from them at all, when normally you would? Even if it's to ask how your day is going. To me, that is out of character, however, perhaps today they are busier than usual & hey, that's okay too.
However, upon questioning the person, by saying, "you must be busy today, beings I haven't heard from you", and then the response is, "I didn't want to BOTHER you"....came as quite a shock to me. In return I ask, "why on earth would you feel you are bothering me?" They say,"I don't feel that way. I figured after your busy day yesterday I'd give you some peace & quiet." I replied with, "Oh, ooooookay then." And I say no more. A few minutes or so later, I get the comment, "I was just being thoughtful, but nevermind then".
Well, I felt that last rhetorical comment was like getting slapped. And I still couldn't wrap my mind around the statement "I didn't want to bother you". Let me just add one piece of information. This person is working throughout the day as a head manager & I'm at home.
So she said she doesn't feel that way, but didn't want to bother me. That really made no sense to me. And why the need for a rhetorical comment as though I said something wrong? Well, I'm really not one to make a mountain out of a mole hill, so I just didn't say anything back. But it definitely boggles my mind a bit.
I'm sure glad I live alone and yep, the walls are still up. Failed relationships will do that to a person.
56-60, F
