I Think Failed Relationships Change People

Of course they do, but whether that is for better or worse is up to you. I was speaking with a colleague/friend this morning about everything that I have gone through and how it has made me stronger. I can lament the innocence, but really, I feel much stronger and able to make better decisions.

I feel such indecision because I know that the choices I am making now are going to affect so many people. And my eventual divorce is going to hurt so many - including me. I will mourn the loss of what could have been, but the idea that you can go on - even after working through the issues - as if none of it happened or heal every hurt seems unfathomable. My therapist asked me why my marriage could not be saved. I explained in comparison that I have forgiven my grandfather for his abuse, but I could never trust him or feel what I would have felt for him had he not abused that trust. That is the same way that I feel about my husband.

Sometimes I wonder if I will be alone, and that scares me because ... I have never been alone. How do we know what we want, and how do we know when we make the right decisions? We don't. We just have to listen to ourselves and jump. Doing nothing is not an option.