I Think Failed Relationships Change People
Change Is A Constant... Even more so in relationships.
From my experience in a failed relationship, there are several things that I have changed my perspective on.
Marriage I guess would be the first thing. Being married for 17 years and knowing for at least the last 7 of those years my marriage was on the decline. It didn't happen over night but slowly over time. Till the realization that I was going where I was not wanted, the dogs were happier to see me than my now ex-wife. Yet I still went there cause I thought it was home. I thought I had to, I was obligated cause I was married. Needing to go back to a place that I wasn't welcome on the property. Suspecting that she was seeing someone else when I took the marriage vows seriously and stayed true when so many times I could have but didn't stray... Does this make me feel better? That I stayed true to my values? A little but I feel more like the fool cause I thought it could be saved. The efforts I made to it resulted in me hating what I was becoming, hated myself for the allowing of my self esteem to suffer. To know that no matter what the respect was gone, the love was gone, the friendship was non-existent and to know that I was used.
Self esteem would be the next thing that takes the biggest hit. It is the shadow that creeps around at night when you aren't looking. It is the whisper into your ear that you didn't matter, that you were easily replaced and used as a door mat, and that you allowed it to happen. This shadow demon is hard to defeat for it is a nagging thought and it is hard to come to peace with yourself when you blame yourself for things out of your control.
Habits - They change some for the good and some for the bad. The fact that a lot of things that you would have blown up at now slide off you like water, then when the person you don't want to talk to any more in your life but you still have to, writes you it is an instant hair trigger, rage is ready to blow up on a single word.
A person changes a lot, in life. When hurt in a failed relationship, there is a part that dies, you morn and try to heal that wound that is left on you. Even though you are glad for the end it is still painful. Eventually and with lots of time the edge is taken off, the pain doesn't hurt as much although it is still tender.
The question is - Will you allow yourself to forgive....................... Not the person that wronged you but yourself for allowing it to happen to yourself?
From my experience in a failed relationship, there are several things that I have changed my perspective on.
Marriage I guess would be the first thing. Being married for 17 years and knowing for at least the last 7 of those years my marriage was on the decline. It didn't happen over night but slowly over time. Till the realization that I was going where I was not wanted, the dogs were happier to see me than my now ex-wife. Yet I still went there cause I thought it was home. I thought I had to, I was obligated cause I was married. Needing to go back to a place that I wasn't welcome on the property. Suspecting that she was seeing someone else when I took the marriage vows seriously and stayed true when so many times I could have but didn't stray... Does this make me feel better? That I stayed true to my values? A little but I feel more like the fool cause I thought it could be saved. The efforts I made to it resulted in me hating what I was becoming, hated myself for the allowing of my self esteem to suffer. To know that no matter what the respect was gone, the love was gone, the friendship was non-existent and to know that I was used.
Self esteem would be the next thing that takes the biggest hit. It is the shadow that creeps around at night when you aren't looking. It is the whisper into your ear that you didn't matter, that you were easily replaced and used as a door mat, and that you allowed it to happen. This shadow demon is hard to defeat for it is a nagging thought and it is hard to come to peace with yourself when you blame yourself for things out of your control.
Habits - They change some for the good and some for the bad. The fact that a lot of things that you would have blown up at now slide off you like water, then when the person you don't want to talk to any more in your life but you still have to, writes you it is an instant hair trigger, rage is ready to blow up on a single word.
A person changes a lot, in life. When hurt in a failed relationship, there is a part that dies, you morn and try to heal that wound that is left on you. Even though you are glad for the end it is still painful. Eventually and with lots of time the edge is taken off, the pain doesn't hurt as much although it is still tender.
The question is - Will you allow yourself to forgive....................... Not the person that wronged you but yourself for allowing it to happen to yourself?
56-60, M
