@SterbenReyne: Thank you. I appreciate talking with you.
"sticks ans stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" may be true for some people, but it's not true for everyone.
To give a specific example- I know a girl who is queer, obese largely due to the fact she is disabled from a non-necessary medication a guardian nevertheless forced her to take out of vanity. She was on accutane and developed a disorder that I can't remember the name of but it's basically an excess of CSF in her cranium and it's caused all sorts of problems. She's spent ages in the hospital, had a VF tube put in, she was going blind, she had to get 2 spinal taps a week for a while... lots of stuff.) She was sexually abused as a child and told by her church leaders that it was partially her fault. She was verbally, psychologically, and physically abused by another guardian after that, and verbally and psychologically abused by another guardian after that one. She tried to commit suicide and was excommunicated. She may have been raped in college (she was drugged by a guy and can't remember what happened.) She has been harassed (both of us actually, by the same guy.) She has depression, psychosis, ptsd, and maybe some other things.
She has spent her whole life being told in one way or another that she doesn't matter.
Every time someone makes a rape joke, they're telling her that her years of sexual abuse don't matter. Every time someone objectifies her body without her consent, they're telling her they don't care about her as a person. Her family is homophobic and she can't tell them she's queer. Her father expects her to get married and bear him grandchildren and has said she's not allowed to have her own opinions- she essentially must echo the opinions of her future husband. People make fun of her for her obesity, which they shouldn't do anyway but is extra terrible because her ability to exercise is severely limited, as is the range of things she can eat (and some of her medications increase appetite and slow metabolism.) Every time someone makes fun of her body or her using the elevator to get to her room on the 3rd floor, they're telling her that her health, her personhood and bodily autonomy and the reasons which may or may not contribute to her obesity don't matter. They don't know she's not taking the elevator because she's fat, but because if she walks up those stairs she may vomit or pass out, and she doesn't have the energy anyway. Every time someone tells a depressed person to 'just be happy,' or uses 'psycho' as a slur or to describe someone bad, they're telling her that her struggles with mental health don't matter. Every time someone says something sexist, they're telling her that her identity as a woman doesn't matter. Every time someone says something homophobic, they're telling her that her love is bad or dirty or not real. Every time someone makes light of abuse, they're telling her that her childhood tortures don't matter.
Even doctors. Doctors treat women's pain with less concern, mental health patients with less credibility, and obese people as though every problem they have is due to their weight. (Obviously not every doctor- but enough doctors that it's a major problem.)
Imagine being told your entire life, constantly, that you don't matter. That you're bad. Imagine your life and bodily safety being in increased danger every moment (because as a female, obese, disabled, queer, rape and abuse survivor, hers is).
Imagine trying to talk about it, finally carving out a space for yourself where you can begin to heal and feel safe and supported- and having someone waltz up to you, or comment on something very vulnerable and personal you have shared, or harassing someone who has gone through the things that you have, and tell you that you don't matter. That you're upset over nothing. That these problems aren't real.
Remember that casual manifestations of prejudice are reflections of larger mentalities and that those mentalities have real consequences. I've know people beaten and abused and rejected by their parents, families, friends, and peers because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Casual homophobia reflects and normalizes that mentality. I've known too many women who have been in abusive relationships. Jokes about abuse normalize that. Almost every female or femme person I know has been raped or sexually assaulted, many of them more than once. Jokes about rape, victim-blaming, 'but what was she wearing?' all normalize and excuse that.
We're not upset over nothing. Words hurt, when you hear them every day of your life and you know there is very real violence and very real danger to your safety and your life behind those words.
