I Hate My Mother
"You are a failure"
My mother has a way with words. I'm used to her complex insults, but somehow, those four words cut deeper than any of her long winded sentences.
She said that to me a week ago. I've been avoiding her. I only speak to her if necessary. I've been avoiding her so I can re-evaluate my life. Am I a failure? Of course [i]I[/i] don't think so. But from her point of view, am I?
Ever since I was young, she told me how I was going to be a doctor or a lawyer. Something in high esteem. I grew up around computers and picked up programming and other skills in admin and IT. So obviously, I go to college for all that. It's state paid so it's no skin off anyone's back. Any expenses I have, I just get a job.
From the day I started college she treated me differently. She wouldn't talk to me without me initiating the conversation, she made short, sarcastic comebacks when I talked about college or work. So I asked her outright last week "do you approve of me going into IT?"
and she responded as I said above.
Did I do wrong? Have I betrayed my mother by pursuing my own path?
Let's talk about my brother. My substance abusing, debt riddled, lying, thief of a brother.
He hasn't had a job that doesn't include hiding a little baggy in his car and driving cross country in years.
He has debts with every bank in the country, as well as every loan company. We have threats of bailiffs and court cases on a daily basis.
Am I really the issue, mother? Or are you projecting your anger onto me? Because if I think about it, his habits started when I went to college. So, how much debt do I need to get into to make you love me the way you love my brother? How many ounces do I have to sell a week to get your attention? Am I really a failure?
My mother has a way with words. I'm used to her complex insults, but somehow, those four words cut deeper than any of her long winded sentences.
She said that to me a week ago. I've been avoiding her. I only speak to her if necessary. I've been avoiding her so I can re-evaluate my life. Am I a failure? Of course [i]I[/i] don't think so. But from her point of view, am I?
Ever since I was young, she told me how I was going to be a doctor or a lawyer. Something in high esteem. I grew up around computers and picked up programming and other skills in admin and IT. So obviously, I go to college for all that. It's state paid so it's no skin off anyone's back. Any expenses I have, I just get a job.
From the day I started college she treated me differently. She wouldn't talk to me without me initiating the conversation, she made short, sarcastic comebacks when I talked about college or work. So I asked her outright last week "do you approve of me going into IT?"
and she responded as I said above.
Did I do wrong? Have I betrayed my mother by pursuing my own path?
Let's talk about my brother. My substance abusing, debt riddled, lying, thief of a brother.
He hasn't had a job that doesn't include hiding a little baggy in his car and driving cross country in years.
He has debts with every bank in the country, as well as every loan company. We have threats of bailiffs and court cases on a daily basis.
Am I really the issue, mother? Or are you projecting your anger onto me? Because if I think about it, his habits started when I went to college. So, how much debt do I need to get into to make you love me the way you love my brother? How many ounces do I have to sell a week to get your attention? Am I really a failure?
