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I Was A Victim Of Emotional And Mental Abuse

I don't remeber a lot of my childhood. I'm having a hard time recently because a lot of my childhood memories are coming back. I wish it was the good memories because I know they are there.

I've been feeling extreamly depressed recently.

And my repressed memories have been popping up.

One memory that has been appearing in my head today was when I drew my sister a picture at school. I was really proud of it and I showed it to her. And she told me she hated it because it was so ugly and she crumpled it right in front of me.

I don't remeber this but my sister told me she use to hit me when I would say NICE things.

Idk why my memories are coming back but it's making me really depressed.

But I feel it's because I'm around people who are really kind to me and tell me I'm good. People are actually telling me that they are impressed with me.

So it's almost like my brain is bringing back the times where people made me feel like I was horrible and unimportant.

They also listen to me and tell me that I'm funny and interesting.

My sister constantly tells me that I'm so boring and I don't know how to tell stories. That's why she can't ever hear me when I talk because I don't know how to talk.

I've also been realising that nothing has really changed since I was a kid.

So maybe my mind is reopening things to show me a pattern?

I've found out why I've always my entire life thought I wasn't good at anything. Because it's basically been engraved into my mind without me realizeing it.

I'm mostly stressed out about all my wasted potential. Because when I look back at my life I really remeber how extreamly smart and talented I was. I was honestly really brilliant.

It was never nourished as a child.

And now I have grown up to be a talentless 26 year old. I litterally have no skills that can get me anywhere.

Because only self doubt was nourished.

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Busybee333 · 31-35, F

I feel you on self doubt. I feel you on being undervalued. I also feel you about feeling emotionally neglected. If you have a chance to move out , do it.

Your heart needs time to heal . You need to have the space to unlearn the self destructive habits and open up to your inner child, the one who loves oneself and others bravely. The child that breathes freely and is ready to take on the world.

Those who bring you down might have their own sufferings. You can't change them unless they figure it out themselves.

You can, however strive to nourish yourself and find ways to connect with people and environments who nourish you to grow , to be autonomous regardless of wins or failures and to be proud to take initiative on your pursuit of your dreams.

These people will feel like a real family. Of course , blood ties stay for life and families should always help each other.. BUT you don't have to be chained to a place that limits your growth.

The world can be a cold place but it feels nice to have your own private self healing time. Some people fear solitude and I understand why. No one likes feeling totally alone. Even so, lately I've found something remarkably relaxing in semi-solitude. I can hear my heart speak.. I can feel my soul stretching out to follow my childhood dreams although they have been dismissed as useless by other people. Well they are useful and nourishing for me !

Work on being financially independent enough to have the basics. Then focus on YOU . What do YOU specifically want YOUR life to be ?

Focus on one thing, write it down .. and work every day to achieve it. Then write another, and so on.

Life is too short to neglect your own will or to shrink your brilliance.

Bloom, shine, you still have it in you :D

Edit: give from you to others but make sure you take care of you as well - you have to fill your cup with sunshine and let it flow out to others .. not try to pour from an empty frozen cup ..

Mindful · 56-60, F

It’s important to make a long list of positive thoughts and memories and of all of them, pick the one that is most inspiring to you... you need to have some healthy “go to thoughts”Choose one that is your “go to” thought. Some people call it their “happy place”. It sounds silly but it’s true. The place that makes you feel most calm, most safe, deepest joy .... so that when you’re obsessing, you can’t work on stopping the negativity and replace it with a positive memory. Another task is to work on writing a thank you letter to those who were kind or encouraging - a teacher a friend- anyone for anything as a “go to “ thought.

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