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I Want to Know About Borderline Personality Disorder

I was diagnosed a year ago. It shattered my world. Haha, as if I had not shattered mine already. I don't mean to laugh at such a serious subject but I feel like I've had my right of passage. I was able to regain my sanity and my life. If you want to know more about BPD I can tell you only what it was like for me. What my experience has been. If you would like I can post more. If not, I would like you to know one thing- recovery and improvement is possible.

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sighmeupforthat · 46-50, M

it's like standing on a cliff in a beautiful place... you snap some pictures then take a deep breathing thinking what a wonderful existence.

then you shout, i'm immortal! then think, all i have to do is jump.... i will feel the wonder and all will be peacefully over.
then back away gently, sucking in all the glory and think, god damned, i'm fucked in the head!

i better upload my pictures for today and sit back with SW, FB and youtube and watch those crazy cat videos.....

then lie away all night wondering why you didn't do it.
the morning brings you new hope, maybe a bed and breakfast then realize it's just a motel room with hookers and black jack but you don't do that bullshit.

rinse, repeat.

until you go home and maintain or you lose your job, your 'home', your ways and 'stability' that you did somehow obtain.
OR ELSE!

TheXfiles · 26-30, F

@sighmeupforthat: I don't following... I'm sorry. What is your point here?
(I don't mean this in a rude way, in a genuine way.)

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lechatnoir · 26-30, F

improvement is possible but you can't fix

Jax316 · F

Ooh, do tell?

TheXfiles · 26-30, F

@Sunshineh13:My symptoms were impulsive decisions and actions accompanied by unstable relationships. I am high-functioning, I have some but not all characteristics. I would "black out" and lose total control. I call it black out because during those episodes I would not be able to recall details days later and who I would be at that time felt like it wasn't me at all. I was so angry and hurtful. That's not who I am, at least not when I am well. Any insult, or simple conversation could turn me into an emotional wreck. At any random time I would be dettached and angry with everyone around me for no legitimate reason. The description I just gave you may not seem like much, however the extremity of it all was what caught professionals attention.
A characteristic of BPD is unstable sense of self. At the time this 100% was me. However, I was also in an unhealthy relationship, I was very young and adapting to a very different way of life than what I grew up with (culture shock). So I don't think that the care providers took all of that into account. For now, I take the approach of "If the shoe fits, wear it" because sense being diagnosed and treated I have improved and become a much happier person.

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