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I Have Relationship Troubles

So I REALLY like my girlfriend. She's my best friend and makes me very happy. But deep down inside a part of me hates her very much. She's just better than me in every way. She's better looking, smarter, is better socially and has a ton of friends whereas I have 2 friends and don't even ever hang out with them. I also have trouble making friends. Just anything you could think of she's better at it. I don't think she really realizes it but I'm basically a loser when it comes to being social. I'm extremely shy and it's hard for me to make friends. I have a very low self esteem and hate myself a lot. If I hate myself then why would she ever like me? I have trust issues because of that topic and I can't completely trust her and I'm scared one day she will just leave me because there are guys out there who are a hell of a lot better than me. I've been dealing with depression for years on my own and she's the only thing that makes me happy so I don't know what I would do if I ever lost her. She knows nothing about any of this because I'm too scared to tell her even though she could help me with being more social. I don't know what to do! I want to not feel this hatred towards her but I can't help it! 😭

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MikeSp · 56-60, M

Daniel, you are dealing with two separate issues here. GF issues and mental issues. The GF thing will resolve itself. If you two are meant to be together long-term, you will be. If not, then you two are simply one of the many partners you will meet and enjoy as you grow older. Early relationships are learning experiences that help you better manage later ones.

Statements say a lot, and here are some that are telling:
I have trouble making friends
she's better at it
I'm basically a loser
I'm extremely shy
it's hard for me to make friends
I have a very low self esteem
I hate myself a lot
why would she ever like me
I have trust issues
I'm scared one day she will just leave me
I've been dealing with depression
she's the only thing that makes me happy
I don't know what I would do if I ever lost her

Based on these statements, I encourage you to speak to a licensed mental health counselor or psychologist. If you don't know any, call 211 for a referral. All this negative self-talk is holding you back from growing, it is draining you of energy, and it's wasting your time. PM me if you want to chat.