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I Am In Counseling

So, today is our first counseling session, and everything I have read about my situation and others like it suggests that couples counseling is a bad idea with abusive relationships. Evidently, it can make the abused feel at fault for the abuses. Well, I stayed, so in some way, I am at fault for enabling this mess. However, I do not feel in any way responsible for his actions. None. But, I do have bad habits that I would like to break. I"m just wondering how long we will continue counseling together. On some level, I think it should be individual - at least until I have an idea of the behaviors I need to rethink and correct. Who knows... maybe this is a good way to start?

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SugarRush · 31-35, F

I'm sorry to read what is a very difficult time for you; and of course your daughter. Through experience I understand where you are coming from and in honesty couples counselling isn't what is needed here. He obviously has problems HE needs to deal with and you yourself need help. How are you meant to speak openly when the guy whose abused you for so long is sat in the room? With that, you need to concentrate on your own health and your daughter. Just because parents don't live together doesn't mean a Childs relationship with their parent they don't live with breaks down; in some cases it makes it stronger. Yes for her dad it is going to be difficult BUT that's his problem not yours. The feelings I'm getting is that you feel conflicted of what's right and what you're used to. You also seem to be hard on yourself which in honesty, I can understand but you are a human being, nobody is perfect. In times like this I put myself in my children's shoes. Do you want your daughter to witness anymore? To grow believing this is what marriage and parenting is? If he doesn't make and effort with his child - that's all on him, you can't force that and know that your daughter in time will respect you more especially when she becomes a women and even a mother herself.