I Just Want To Give Up Sometimes

I held a blade to my arm, not so long ago. I didn’t give in to the desire, although I’ve wanted to do it since I stopped years ago.

I’ve never admitted that before. I’ve always had to lie. I’ve always said that I’m fine.

I’m not fine. I’ve not been fine for years. I’m suffocating myself. My toxic mindset, my stupid voice taunting away.

There’s nothing that I don’t hate about myself. If it weren’t for the few people that my death would shake, I would have attempted to take my life again by now.

That thought takes my breath away every night, as my chest tightens. I just feel like I’m having a panic attack all the time but... I can breath.

I feel so alone... but I know it’s my fault. I know that I push everyone away. I know that I lose everyone because of my actions.

I just feel so weak. So useless and worthless.

If I were to die in my sleep tonight, it would upset two people. I’ve seen both people mourn before. So if I were to die tonight, my name would never be mentioned after my funeral,

It would be like I never existed. I don’t even know what I’m saying.