I Lost Myself Somewhere Along the Way
Probably
Probably I'm not really crazy but I'm having a set back tonight.
Probably I'll be okay by bedtime.
Probably I'll get on with things. I'm going through the motions and things are going great. On the inside though, there's storms brewing and occasionally I lose it. It's when I'm alone. Everyone is tired of hearing about my broken heart so I keep it to myself. So I experience a mini internal tornado and no one else gets hurt. Just a little landscape damage. Maybe a flying cow or two.
Probably I should count my blessings and be happy for all the great things in my life. I am so grateful. Why isn't it enough? Why does my heart still long for what it's missing, what I can't have. Why can't I just get over it?
Probably I should stop thinking about the life I thought I would have and get on with the one I have. It's a pretty good life. I can't help it. I keep thinking that he's having a wonderful holiday and life and that's great. Except, I wanted to be part of that. I wanted to be there celebrating with him and his family. They won't even know. They don't know me. I wanted a romantic holiday.
Probably someone else is having a nice holiday with him. He doesn't have the time. His attention is elsewhere. He doesn't have time for me when right there in front of him is someone great good and perfect and clean.
Probably she feels like the most special person to be so lucky to have his attention.
Probably he's given her thoughtful presents that she loves.
Probably his family and kids love her as much as he does and they wonder when he'll make it official.
Probably his kids have accidentally called her "mom" and there's an awkward moment but everyone is smiling and feel so happy at how comfortable it all is.
Probably no one will ever know or understand how special we were to each other.
Probably since he dumped me so easily it really wasn't as special as we thought.
Probably I should be more careful next time. Yea.
Probably, I need to stop thinking about it. I should move on. I have, a little bit. Like I said, it's the moments I'm alone or not doing anything and it hits me the moment I am still and by myself. The wave of grief takes over me and I feel like someone has slapped me. The tears, and the pain overwhelm me, but just for a moment. Then I collect myself and wipe the tears away and I get back to work. In the car it's the worst and I cry out because no one can hear.
Probably I sound crazy. It's okay. I'm really okay in real life. I just put this here for your enjoyment. I get it out here and I leave it.
Probably you understand.
Probably I'm not really crazy but I'm having a set back tonight.
Probably I'll be okay by bedtime.
Probably I'll get on with things. I'm going through the motions and things are going great. On the inside though, there's storms brewing and occasionally I lose it. It's when I'm alone. Everyone is tired of hearing about my broken heart so I keep it to myself. So I experience a mini internal tornado and no one else gets hurt. Just a little landscape damage. Maybe a flying cow or two.
Probably I should count my blessings and be happy for all the great things in my life. I am so grateful. Why isn't it enough? Why does my heart still long for what it's missing, what I can't have. Why can't I just get over it?
Probably I should stop thinking about the life I thought I would have and get on with the one I have. It's a pretty good life. I can't help it. I keep thinking that he's having a wonderful holiday and life and that's great. Except, I wanted to be part of that. I wanted to be there celebrating with him and his family. They won't even know. They don't know me. I wanted a romantic holiday.
Probably someone else is having a nice holiday with him. He doesn't have the time. His attention is elsewhere. He doesn't have time for me when right there in front of him is someone great good and perfect and clean.
Probably she feels like the most special person to be so lucky to have his attention.
Probably he's given her thoughtful presents that she loves.
Probably his family and kids love her as much as he does and they wonder when he'll make it official.
Probably his kids have accidentally called her "mom" and there's an awkward moment but everyone is smiling and feel so happy at how comfortable it all is.
Probably no one will ever know or understand how special we were to each other.
Probably since he dumped me so easily it really wasn't as special as we thought.
Probably I should be more careful next time. Yea.
Probably, I need to stop thinking about it. I should move on. I have, a little bit. Like I said, it's the moments I'm alone or not doing anything and it hits me the moment I am still and by myself. The wave of grief takes over me and I feel like someone has slapped me. The tears, and the pain overwhelm me, but just for a moment. Then I collect myself and wipe the tears away and I get back to work. In the car it's the worst and I cry out because no one can hear.
Probably I sound crazy. It's okay. I'm really okay in real life. I just put this here for your enjoyment. I get it out here and I leave it.
Probably you understand.
51-55, F
