I Have Issues With My Mother

My mum and I have never had a good relationship. She has said some very nasty and hurtful things to me in the past. When I was a child she would often compare me to my friends, and say things like "why can't you be more like Helen?". I remember once in the car she was quizzing me and when I took too long to answer her she said "Paige (my younger stepsister) could answer that. What's wrong with you?". My mum always made me feel like I was stupid, and not good enough. She also commented on my weight a lot, and still does now. My mum once said to me "you can't possibly be happy with what you see when you look in the mirror". I also remember us being in a shopping centre one day, and mum pointed out a woman who was a lot bigger than me, and said something about her; because my reaction to the woman's size wasn't enough, my mum told me "I'd rather you say that you'd rather be dead than look like that". It hurts me when she says these things, but she says that she worries about me and just wants me to lose weight. It's hard for me to believe that though when she looks at me like I'm the most disgusting thing in the world. I honestly think that she's embarrassed of me. I feel bullied by her at times, and when she talks to me about my weight it just makes me feel worthless and like a failure. I just have to try to block out what she says because she makes me feel completely hopeless, and like there's no point in trying to lose weight.