Make me laugh

A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a raccoon in the other. "Now Listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you" "In that case," said the boy. "I'll kiss it's butt and let it go"

A man is at the funeral of an old friend.

He tentatively approaches the deceased's wife and asks whether he can say a word. The widow nods.

The man clears his throat and says, "Bargain."

The widow replies: "Thanks, that means a great deal."

Knock knock