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I Am Struggling To Keep Myself Together

"Mauerbauertraurigkeit"
n. the inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like—as if all your social tastebuds suddenly went numb, leaving you unable to distinguish cheap politeness from the taste of genuine affection, unable to recognize its rich and ambiguous flavors, its long and delicate maturation, or the simple fact that each tasting is double-blind.
I didn't know my state had a name,I can't seem to withdraw from this state,I am trying hopefully I will be normal human soon.😀

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isftpoawawh

Yes and that comes out of fear and depression. It's safe even though painful and it also allows us to not fully blame ourselves when people leave, after all its our choice they left. Let people in, it's risky, but we need other people.