I Dream Black Dreams

@Danez I think I am, I just don't know how to not think about it.. I just want to be held in his arms and told it'll be okay and that we'll work through it. But that's unrealistic.

@StonerGirl69 why is that unrealistic? If he's your bf then you should be able to be honest enough to tell him how you're feeling. Its not good if you cant be honest with each other. Otherwise you'll continue feeling what you feel deep inside.

@Danez see, he's no longer my bf. & the whole time I was honest about my unfaithfulness and fuck ups in the relationship he wasn't with his. I never actually cheated but I tried so it might as well count, I had intentions of hooking up with someone to see if the sex was better since my bf and I were both virgins and at a point I thought I was gay, my only feasible option in my head was to go for an experienced guy. But I did it during one of our temporary breaks, and I told him.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, the honesty has to go both ways for it to be realistic and unfortunately he's more of a bottle my feelings inside type of guy... so that was never a thing with us.

@StonerGirl69 True. So you are not together with him any longer? So maybe the dreams are lingering from wondering if he was cheating.
Perhaps if you got into a new relationship with other things to think about these bad dreams about your ex will go away.

@Danez maybe.. but I'd rather not involve myself with anyone else until I know there's not a chance with him. I'm a very complicated person, I don't realize what I have until it's gone... and I know if I tried to move on I would be able to, but then I would never feel the same about him again.. and I don't want that. I want it to work with him, I love him and I'd honestly rather not go through the troubles of opening up to a new soul both personally and sexually. It took me three years to finally open up to him sexually, I was doing the same position for three years... I just finally let lose when I thought it could win him back. Like I'll never be able to please a man.

@StonerGirl69 So where are things with him then? You do know that trying to win a guy back with sex will not work if he doesn't want you back for you in the first place, right? A guy will always take sex if its offered even if he doesn't like the girl. So unless you just want sex and nothing more then you may want to reconsider that approach.

@Danez lol believe me, I reconsider after it was too late.. but I did open up a lot more sexually so at least I left him with that. I wasn't just a horrible lay the whole time...

@StonerGirl69 When you're young and inexperienced that's something you learn together. I think back when I was young and having sex with what I thought was the greatest at that time... but looking back I really sucked. Its WAY better now. haha
So what happened that ended things? Was it him or you at the time?

@Danez uhmm I looked through his phone and he had been talking to this girl I had problems with a while back over him talking to, but this time he had been telling her how he didn't wanna be with me.. and he had her over to our house to hangout with him and his friends but lied to my face when I asked him who was over. He said everyone but her, but I don't get it because he claimed to just want to be her friend.. and she's dating one of his friends now. So why wasn't he just honest before unblocking her himself? I had honestly gotten over the first incident and probably could've been cool with the girl if he had just been honest.

it sounds like his interest in keeping contact with the other girl was stronger than your desire for him to stop. Either your request was unreasonable and so he hid it from you OR he was getting something out of the contact with her that he wasn't willing to let go.

@Danez that's what I thought too... I thought she had to be fucking him or something for him to want to be her friend over our relationship that damn bad. But he claims it was simply because all our friends were her friend, I mean they did all work together.. but he should've just asked me. He was literally too scared to be honest with me and idk why.

@StonerGirl69 then he should have simply said that she's a friend that he appreciates as his friend and nothing more. And made the effort to reassure you that you were his only girlfriend. But that if it bothered you enough then he should have made a choice between keeping her or losing you.

@Danez yeah... I think he chose her instead.

@StonerGirl69 so maybe you should try to forget him

@Danez yeah.. maybe.