I Love Someone
I'm having trouble distinguishing my own feelings. I feel that I love my boyfriend, but I worry that the time is too soon, even though I'm certain of my feelings. We've been dating two months after a two month flirtationship. I absolutely adore him. We fit so well, and I know that he absolutely adores me too. I've never felt so in tune with someone else. I've seen some flaws and they're nothing compared to who he is. He's perfect for me.
Since about two weeks ago, I've secretly felt that my feelings were getting deep. When I realized I pushed them down because I started getting scared. It's only two months in, he isn't going to feel the same way, everyone keeps saying you're moving kind of fast.
Last night, however, they were made concrete.
It began with my friend calling asking when we we're going to hang out later that night. I told her I would call her back after the game and informed my boyfriend. I had understood that we were going to split up afrer the game (that was hi a original plan but he constantly flip-flops on plans) and he had understood that we were going to stay together longer. Long story short, we misunderstood each other and he became very upset with me, believing I wasn't caring as much for him as he for me. (the same situation with his ex)
He ended up lashing out and wanting to end things if need be because he couldn't think of a better way. I became so scared that I couldn't breathe. I was crying and shaking so hard. The life I was envisioning for me, for us, was falling apart in an instant. It was one of the scariest moments of my life.
Shaking in my car with my best friend holding onto my arm, tears streaming down my face, I texted him saying that when things get rough, you don't quit, and that I really liked him. I told him that I was trying, and if he wasn't willing to try with me, then I wanted to know before I fell any harder for him. The wait for his message was so agonizing. How could I care for someone this much when our time together was so short? It didn't make sense.
The wait was agonizing. When he answered me, he apologized and said that he believes I feel a part of what he feels for me (whether this means he loves me or just really likes me is debatable). Never have I ever felt so relieved.
I didn't realize until after the disagreement that while he was upset about the plans, it was more than that. He's worried that I'll leave him in the dust like his ex did, and that I'm just going through the motions because of convienence or something. Now that I have a better understanding of his feelings, I don't know how to comfort him and reassure him that I'm not his ex and that I truly do care for him. I'm not ready to drop the l-bomb in fear of scaring him off or being too hasty. I just have nothing else to call this deep feeling of compassion I have for him.
It feels good to get this down somewhere and out of my head. I know no one can discern my own feelings except for me. But putting it down sure helps.
Feelings sure are confusing.
Since about two weeks ago, I've secretly felt that my feelings were getting deep. When I realized I pushed them down because I started getting scared. It's only two months in, he isn't going to feel the same way, everyone keeps saying you're moving kind of fast.
Last night, however, they were made concrete.
It began with my friend calling asking when we we're going to hang out later that night. I told her I would call her back after the game and informed my boyfriend. I had understood that we were going to split up afrer the game (that was hi a original plan but he constantly flip-flops on plans) and he had understood that we were going to stay together longer. Long story short, we misunderstood each other and he became very upset with me, believing I wasn't caring as much for him as he for me. (the same situation with his ex)
He ended up lashing out and wanting to end things if need be because he couldn't think of a better way. I became so scared that I couldn't breathe. I was crying and shaking so hard. The life I was envisioning for me, for us, was falling apart in an instant. It was one of the scariest moments of my life.
Shaking in my car with my best friend holding onto my arm, tears streaming down my face, I texted him saying that when things get rough, you don't quit, and that I really liked him. I told him that I was trying, and if he wasn't willing to try with me, then I wanted to know before I fell any harder for him. The wait for his message was so agonizing. How could I care for someone this much when our time together was so short? It didn't make sense.
The wait was agonizing. When he answered me, he apologized and said that he believes I feel a part of what he feels for me (whether this means he loves me or just really likes me is debatable). Never have I ever felt so relieved.
I didn't realize until after the disagreement that while he was upset about the plans, it was more than that. He's worried that I'll leave him in the dust like his ex did, and that I'm just going through the motions because of convienence or something. Now that I have a better understanding of his feelings, I don't know how to comfort him and reassure him that I'm not his ex and that I truly do care for him. I'm not ready to drop the l-bomb in fear of scaring him off or being too hasty. I just have nothing else to call this deep feeling of compassion I have for him.
It feels good to get this down somewhere and out of my head. I know no one can discern my own feelings except for me. But putting it down sure helps.
Feelings sure are confusing.
26-30, F
